Not a Day Will Go By
by YourGirlThursday
Summary: Killian said that not a day would go by where he didn't think of Emma. She didn't realize that the same would be true for her. Sort of. Takes place during 3x11/3x12. Captain Swan, with heaps of Emma and Henry moments too. Completed w/ Bonus Chapter (9/22).
1. Apple Trees and Ships

**So I recently finished Season 3 and had this idea that while Killian is thinking of Emma each day that she is thinking of him too. She obviously doesn't have her actual memories, but my thought was that she has these moments where something feels meaningful to her and she doesn't know why. Each chapter will be about one of these moments. They all take place in between 3x11 and 3x12.**

**The first 3 chapters are more subtle in their shipping. Things get overt in chapter 4 if you want to skip to there. **

**I apologize for all of the angst in this first one. It takes place just after they leave Storybrooke so Emma and Henry are upset even if they don't realize why.**

* * *

As the yellow Bug pulls further and further away from Storybrooke's former location, Emma can't help but feel uneasy. This nagging thought that she has forgotten something keeps cropping up. She runs through all of the important things that she might've left behind in Maine.

The most important thing, Henry, is staring pensively out the window. He had been quiet for the past couple minutes, which is a little weird. Usually they don't have to listen to the radio because Henry fills the car with his observations of their surroundings. Emma chalks it up to him being nervous about the move. It would makes sense. Emma has a new job in New York; Henry will be changing schools when the semester starts up.

Emma's thought process makes a slight jerk. Maybe it was Henry's paperwork she had forgotten.

"Hey kid, can you check the glove box for your school transcripts and stuff?"

Henry slowly does what she asked. He pulls a thick envelope out of the glove compartment. It is crisp and neat like it's never been touched before. To be fair Regina fabricated them less than an hour beforehand. Henry rifles through the papers.

"Immunization records, grades, birth certificate. Everything looks okay, Mom."

Emma nods absently. She tries to think of other things. Henry checks her purse for her wallet, credit cards, and cell phone before moving on to take inventory of the contents of the backseat.

"Mom, seriously, what are you doing?" he asks after rummaging through his backpack for their phone chargers for the third time.

"I don't know. I just feel like we forgot something."

Henry shakes his head. "You get like this every time we move. Just relax. We haven't messed up any of the other times."

Emma has a hazy recollection of places they lived together. Her job keeps her moving, which Henry isn't always fond of. All of their past residences blur together some. Emma isn't sure she could name where they lived before Boston.

"You're right. Maybe I just need some sugar. It looks like there's a diner at the next exit. I could use a hot chocolate."

"Okay, but only if I get one too. Oh and a slice of pie."

Emma raised an eyebrow. "Pie?"

"Apple. I really, really want a slice of apple."

Emma smiles fondly at her son.

"How about we share one?"

Henry shrugs. He is getting pie. It doesn't really matter how he gets it.

Minutes later the pair pulls into the parking lot of Flo's Diner. It is surprisingly packed for the time of day, but they found a seat. The diner looks like every diner Emma has ever loved. It has lots of chrome and booths covered in shiny plastic that squeaks. Photos of local landmarks hang on the wall. The hostess leaves a stack of crayons so Henry can doodle on his placemat.

He sets to work immediately, barely looking up to order his hot chocolate and pie. Emma studies him as he begins with a brown crayon. He soon switches to a green one.

"So did you like Maine?" Emma asks, trying to engage her son.

Henry's face grew serious. "A lot. I think maybe I'll move there when I'm older."

Emma grabs a blue crayon and start slightly drawing on her placemat.

"Interesting. Why?"

Henry finally meets his mother's eye.

"It's the kind of place you stay put in," he states matter-of-factly.

Emma's heart lurches at that statement. It seems like an underhanded attack at her parenting at first. It takes her a heartbeat to realize it was really just Henry making an observation, but that only took out some of the sting.

They both go back to coloring until the waitress brings their hot chocolate and pie. She even remembers to bring a shaker of cinnamon like Emma had asked for.

Henry takes a giant forkful of pie and shoves it into his mouth. He frowns as he chews it.

"Not good, kid?"

Henry tilts his head, searching for the right words.

"It doesn't taste right. Not in a 'the apples are spoiled' kind of way, but it isn't as good as I wanted it to be."

Emma digs into the pie. She moves from side to side as she chews, testing out what Henry said.

"What's the verdict?"

"It tastes like apple pie." Emma pulls the plate closer to her. "If you don't want it, I don't mind eating it all myself."

Henry stabs his fork into the slice to stop her.

"Whoa who said I didn't want the pie. I didn't say that."

He puts an obnoxiously large bite into his mouth to illustrate his point. His cheeks are rounded slightly with the large amount of pie, but Emma can still make out his triumphant smile. They soon finish the dessert.

Henry takes a test sip and deems his hot chocolate cool enough to start drinking. He takes several long gulps in a row. When he puts down the mug a mustache made of whipped cream remains on his upper lip.

Emma laughs as he cleans himself up. She feels her heart swell with how much she loves her son. He is the one person who had never left her. Sure, he is a minor, but Emma felt certain he would want to be with her even if he didn't have to be.

That love makes her more aware of the dull ache in her chest. Is it that she is running out of years with Henry? Or maybe she just wants him to have more of a life. He has so much love to give, which is shocking considering how little Emma knew on that subject. She doesn't know how she was capable of loving him so greatly when she had no experience in the matter. When the doctor handed him to her, she had known she was done for though. He had become her world, but he deserved more of a world than just Emma. He deserved a place to stay put in.

Guilt.

That's what this emotion had to be. It fills Emma so completely yet makes her feel so hollow at the same time. She has never ached like this before. It feels like a vital part of her has been ripped viciously from her.

"You okay?"

Henry breaks her from her reverie. His now empty cup sits there, making Emma aware that she has hardly touched hers.

"Fine." Emma tries to smile, but Henry's answering look tells her how fake she looks.

"You sure? You're holding your shirt really weirdly."

Emma looks down. The heel of her hand is digging into her sternum. Her fingers are clutching the fabric of her turtleneck. She quickly readjusts herself and reaches across the table to swipe Henry's drawing.

"So what'd you draw?"

Emma flips the drawing around and feels her face fall slightly at the picture. It is of an apple tree. It is the world's easiest metaphor for staying put. Henry wants roots.

"Apple tree. It's seemed easier to draw than an apple pie. What about you?"

Emma's drawing isn't great either, but it wasn't hard to tell what it was. If Henry's picture was about staying put, Emma's is about going far away.

"Cool ship, Mom."

The bottom is white, ending just above the jagged blue line that were supposed to represent water. The top of the boat is almost striped in yellow, blue, and red. It hasa large mast and sails. The ache in Emma's chest intensifies as she studies the picture.

"Are you sure you're okay with moving?," she blurts.

Emma looks up from the picture slowly, gauging his response to her question. Henry starts to answer twice, but stops to reconsider his words.

"Moving is always really hard, but I know it's going to turn out alright because I'm with you."

The relief Emma feels at his words is overwhelming. She knows he isn't lying.

"Get over here."

Henry moves to Emma's side of the table. She crushes him to her side. He's right. They'll be fine as long as they're together. She makes a promise to herself that she's going to try to put down some roots for Henry. She'll make actual friends and even try dating. His belief in her dampens some of the pain she's feeling.

"Are you gonna finish your hot chocolate?" Henry asks hopefully.

Emma eyes him. "Any more sugar and you'll be up all night."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

* * *

**If you made it all the way to end, thank you! Henry's fascination with apples is because he misses Regina. The ship is supposed to be the Jolly Roger. I hope I made that evident. The next one should be a lot lighter.**

**Feel free to favorite, follow, review or just keep reading. Just seeing traffic stats makes me happy. If you notice any errors, let me know. I only proofread it twice because I was so excited to post.**

**Edited 6/12 because I forgot she mentioned that they were moving from Boston. Whoops.  
**


	2. Wallpaper

**Thank you for returning to read more! Extra special thanks to BehindThePurpleSmoke and anona for reviewing and to everyone who followed/favorited the story. **

* * *

"You know we can't have wallpaper in our apartment, right?"

Henry looks up from the book he is flipping through.

"Why not?"

Emma pushes down the impulse to tell him that it isn't their home, will never be their home.

"The super won't allow it. That's why we didn't have any up in Boston either. Most apartments won't let you."

"We could've gotten away with it. They have to rebuild our apartment now anyway."

"But we didn't know it was going to burn down," Emma points out.

The fire took everything they owned. It was so traumatic that Emma barely remembered it happening. She knows it pushed them to move to New York and that it filled her bank account with an almost absurd amount of insurance money.

"Are you sure? Look at this one. It makes me want hot chocolate."

Henry holds open the book to a page of white and grey paper. It takes Emma a moment to realize that the smoky blobs are trees. The wallpaper is striking, but not exactly something that would normally appeal to someone Henry's age.

"It's nice, but we can't."

"Could we frame it? Like art? You keep saying we're here to get stuff to decorate."

Emma considers for barely a heartbeat before caving. There's no real flaw with Henry's logic and the wallpaper does feel homey. Henry runs off and returns shortly with a sleek, black frame. They start looking for paint for the walls in Emma's bedroom. Most of their apartment has exposed brick walls, but Emma's bedroom has two walls that aren't.

It takes them a while to find the perfect shade of blue. Some are too light. Some have too much grey. Finally, Emma finds the one she wants.

It reminds her of the sky in the morning.

It reminds her of the sea they drove past in Maine.

And it's the exact shade of blue of her pirate's eyes.

* * *

**Sorry this was so short. The wallpaper is the one from Granny's diner. So I forgot that Emma said that they left Boston because their apartment burned down. I'm going to fix the first chapter tonight to correct that error.**


	3. Silver

**Lots and lots of thanks to BehindThePurple Smoke for reviewing. Many thanks to everyone who favorited/followed today. I really appreciate everyone who takes the time to read this story. Even if you don't interact I can see how many people read this, and I'm blown away at the numbers I've had.**

**This is mostly about Henry and Emma, but it nicely sets up the next chapter which will deal mostly with Killian :)**

* * *

"It's been forever since we've gone out for bagels!"

Henry rushes Emma out the door before she can change her mind about breakfast this morning. She had been working a case this week, but promised to have a breakfast date with him today. The outing was as much for her as it was for him. She still was feeling like something was missing.

"We went like three days ago," Emma points out.

Henry raises his eyebrows at his mom. "Like I said, practically forever."

Emma shakes her head, but follows her son to the elevator. His high energy level seems strange coming from someone who looks as bedraggled as he does. His hair is a complete mess. The buttons on his coat are done up wrong. Emma wouldn't be surprised if he is wearing only one sock or a mismatched set.

The pair gets into the elevator. As they exit, Emma's phone rings. She pauses and goes to silence it. Henry snatches the phone out of her hand. He starts pacing around the lobby with it.

"Swan Bail Bonds. This is Henry, Ms. Swan's administrative assistant, speaking."

Emma makes a swipe for the cell, but Henry moves too quickly for her.

"May I ask who's calling and what this is in reference to?" Henry pauses. "Hold please, Mr. Murphy, while I get Ms. Swan."

Henry smiles widely at Emma. She manages to wrangle the phone out of his hands. She's been hoping for this call.

"Joe? Hi, sorry about that. Did something come through your shop?"

Henry's face lights up. Emma can just imagine how excited he's going to be when he finds out she needs to go visit a pawn shop.

"I can be there in less than twenty. Thanks."

Emma takes a moment to put her phone back in her pocket. She motions for Henry to go out the front door. He narrowly misses hitting a couple holding hands. Emma mouths an apology at them, feeling a swift kick longing in her gut at their easy affection for each other.

"Sorry kid, I have to make a quick detour to a –"

"I don't care where we're going. I'm your administrative assistant. I'm here to assist."

Emma raises an eyebrow at him. "Administrative assistant?"

"That's what the secretaries at my old school liked to be called. I love how they talk on the phone. They're so ridiculously polite." Henry looks both ways down the sidewalk. "Which way are we going?"

Emma motions right. Henry takes off, chattering about Operation Bagel Run. It's hard to tell what is moving faster, his feet or his mouth. Emma finds herself smiling in spite of how tedious their trip is going to be.

Bringing Henry was equal parts the best idea ever and the worst idea ever. Henry was having a great time. He asked lots of questions and worked through the logic of Emma's queries too. The problem was that he was going a little too far. He used phrases like 'perp' and 'forensic evidence' when he questioned Mr. Murphy. Emma may have to dial back the number of procedural crime dramas he watches. Luckily, some of the displays distracted Henry as he started to refer to their apartment as 'HQ.' Emma got most of the information she needed and now was just waiting on the security photo Mr. Murphy printed for her.

She looks down at the jewelry case in front of her. There is a long strand of pearls, yellowed with age, sitting on a square of velvet. A tennis bracelet winks up at her from a fake hand that's missing part of its ring finger. The piece that catches her eye is poorly displayed. It's half under a box displaying wedding bands. She half thinks that it's hiding so it could wait for her. Her face flushes a little with how stupid that makes her feel.

Henry pops up from out of nowhere with a stack of DVDs.

"This place is the coolest! The DVDs are a dollar each and there's a Gamecube with a bunch of games for $45. We should definitely get the Gamecube."

Emma looks over where he's pointing to.

"I don't know."

"Think of it as payment for being your assistant today. You did say we could think about getting a system to replace the one we lost in the fire."

Emma presses her lips together, trying not to show how amused she is. It's hard being the authority figure when Henry knows how to talk you into anything.

Henry sizes up his mom for a moment. "Okay well what if I don't get to play it for a week? I have to do chores and unpack all of my stuff before I get it."

"Two weeks," Emma counters.

"You drive a hard bargain, Mom. How about a week and a half?"

"Two weeks. Take it or leave it, kid."

Henry starts to nod, then thinks for a moment. He hands his mom a DVD case. "And _Jurassic Park_."

Emma opens her mouth to speak, but Henry hands her another DVD case.

"And _Pirates of the Caribbean_."

Emma relents with a sigh. She waves for Henry to go get the box. As he runs off Mr. Murphy returns to the counter with a photo.

"Sorry I took so long. Printer was outta ink. Damn thing never has any ink."

"It's fine. Thanks for the photo and information. Here's your money. Can we buy some stuff too?"

She waves the DVDs at him before handing them over to ring up. Henry pops up with the box of Gamecube stuff.

"Is that it?"

Emma impulsively points to necklace she was admiring earlier.

"That too."

She doesn't even look at the price. It's such a beautiful piece of metal work. The chain is thin and silver with two charms: a sword and a ship's wheel. Something about it just calls to her.

Mr. Murphy finishes ringing up their purchases and grabs a bag for Henry's stuff. He reaches for a small one for Emma's necklace, but she stops him.

"Can I just wear it out?"

Mr. Murphy nods. The chain is so long that Emma simply slips the necklace over her head. She pulls her hair up so it's resting on top of the jewelry. The charms fall against her chest, hitting just below her bra. Its weight eases some of the pressure in her chest. She runs her fingers over the charms and feels herself relax further.

"I like it, Mom."

Henry gathers their remaining purchases and makes his way out of the pawn shop. He nearly knocks over a stack of VCRs on his way, but manages to avoid breaking anything.

"Thanks for bringing me. I had fun watching you work."

Henry smiles genuinely at his mom. Emma grabs onto her new necklace. Between Henry's smile and her new talisman she feels almost normal.

"Can we grab the bagels to-go? I have a lead I need to follow."

Henry pretends to think it over.

"I did already get paid for today, but I'm willing to work overtime."

Emma snorts, not bothering to hide her amusement this time.

* * *

**Emma's new necklace is meant to be a version of Killian's necklace. I swapped out the skull for a ship's wheel because I thought it seemed a little more feminine. I had a lot of fun with Henry in this time. I've been rewatching Season 1 so his mischievous, tagalong ways kind of bled into this chapter.**

**Remember, next chapter is Killian time :)**


	4. Rum

**Many, many thanks to BehindThePurpleSmoke, Always815, Gabe, and laugh0ften2012 for reviewing! I love hearing feedback so I really appreciate reviews. Also, a big thank you to everyone who has followed/favorited the story. I'm in awe of the fact that a decent percentage of people are continuing to read this story.**

**And now for the pirate chapter I promised :)**

* * *

Emma cringed as she looked at the sign for The Hideout, a bar very far away from her apartment. The windows were filmy with grime and the neon in the sign needed replacing. There were several stains on the pavement that Emma felt she was better off not thinking about. She had been in her fair share of seedy bars in the past ten or so years, but this one particularly made her skin crawl. She was looking for information on a bail jumper that had been part of a car theft ring. His last place of employment was this bar so she figured she might as well check it out.

Emma fingered her new charm necklace absently before dropping it inside her shirt. It made her feel braver, having the cool metal against her skin. She made her way inside, feeling the stares of almost everyone inside lock on her. It had been a brilliant move on her part to wear pants and her leather jacket. If she had walked in wearing a dress she would've been eaten alive. The stares for her tight pants were making her uncomfortable even though she was used to being checked out. There was an added layer of predatory menace coming from most of the men.

She made her way to the bar. The floor was sticky with beer and probably other fluids. Emma made a mental note to clean her shoes later.

The bartender was a short, round woman with a shock of ink black hair that definitely came from a bottle. The woman eyed her up and down before snorting.

"What's your poison, cupcake?"

Emma leaned against the bar. "Information. Did you ever work with a Max Schrader?"

The bartender raised an eyebrow. "And what if I have? Who wants to know?"

Something about the woman set off alarm bells in Emma's head. She didn't want to give out her real name.

Think of a last name.

Something common, something forgettable.

"Jones. It's Emma Jones."

The name rolled off her tongue easily, as though she'd used it before. It surprised her how normal it felt coming out of her mouth.

"Well, Ms. Jones it's been a while since I've seen him. Better ask Paul over there. He'll be much more helpful I'm sure."

The woman gestured vaguely toward a group of men near the window before turning away. In her head she swore at the woman for being so rude. It was one thing to be unhelpful because you didn't know anything. It was another to just be a horrible human being.

Emma walked over to the group of men and asked them the same questions she asked the bartender. They were just as unhelpful with information. They did, however, give her several offers to help her get wasted. She declined and turned to walk away. The one named Teddy grabbed her arm before she left.

"You sure you don't wanna stick around Ms. Jones? We could have some fun before you go home."

His leer made Emma's stomach roll. He was had every bad drunk cliché down pat. He had unkempt hair, long hair, red nose, and bleary eyes.

"No."

Teddy's face screwed up with anger. Apparently that wasn't a word he was used to hearing.

"What is there a Mr. Jones or something?"

It irritated Emma that this jackass assumed she wanted nothing to do with him because she was married. The arrogance it took to think a woman would only turn you down solely because she was taken was astounding. The looks she was getting from this guy's friends were not pleasant ones. A little threat might go a long way.

"No, but if there was he would know better than to grab me like that. I'm much stronger than I look."

With that Emma practically sprinted out the door. She immediately hailed a cab despite the expense. Her safety was worth it.

* * *

Emma sighed as she locked the door to her apartment behind her. Henry was over at a new friend's house spending the night. Her plans to go information hunting and his request for a sleepover happened to coincide, which was nice for Emma. She would've felt guilty leaving him home alone.

After how awful tonight went, she was going to need a very stiff drink and a long, hot shower to wash the ick off of her. She removed her shoes and jacket before heading into the bathroom. She took a much more thorough shower than usual. When she finished she threw on a pair of flannel pajamas.

She grabbed a glass and looked through her liquor cabinet. Only one thing was going to comfort her tonight: rum. She screwed the top off and added about three fingers to her glass. After a moment's consideration she decided that she had earned the right to a fourth.

She looked over their apartment in the dim light. There wasn't much that they had added in the month since they moved in. Some plants could really cheer the place up. Maybe Henry would be up for that Sunday.

Emma still hadn't called to hook up their cable. Henry was content to play video games over watching TV. Emma hadn't felt like it was something she lacked until now. She really wanted to sit passively in front of the TV and sip her rum. The idea of playing something mildly cathartic on Henry's Gamecube required more effort than Emma was willing to expend at that point.

Emma remembered the movies Henry had asked for at the pawn shop. She got out her laptop and set it open on a dining room chair. She placed the chair in front of the couch. It wasn't the best setup, but it would work. Now the question was which movie should she watch. While she was partial to Jurassic Park, Emma chose to watch Pirates of the Caribbean. A smile crossed her lips as she touched her necklace. She was developing a little bit of a thing for pirates it seemed.

The movie started up and she soon got caught up in the adventure story. It amused Emma that she shared a last name with the main character, Elizabeth. She finished her first glass and refilled it when Elizabeth gets kidnapped from her home, which is quite early on. The refill lasted only a few minutes, causing Emma to drink straight from the bottle.

The rum caught up to her very quickly.

This got Emma very involved with the film. She started calling out things at her laptop.

"Mmm pirate eyeliner."

"Jack likes rum too."

"Every Swan wants a pirate. Every Swan wants to be a pirate."

Her outbursts turned into soft mutterings as the movie progressed. Her body slowly slumped down the couch until she is curled up on her side. She started to fall asleep when Will asks Elizabeth why she used his last name for her cover early on in the film. Emma started murmuring things with her eyes closed.

"S'cause she loves you, pirate. All she had left of you was your name. Very hard to be away from someone you love when you know you'll never see them again. "

She rolled over and snuggled deeper into her blanket.

"Very hard being without a Mr. Jones," she whispered before falling asleep as the movie continued to play.

* * *

**I hope that lived up to your expectations. This chapter was a little different to write because I switched over to past tense, which is my comfort zone. Also, there was significantly less dialogue (or maybe it just felt that way?).**

**I tried to make it so you could get what was going on without having seen Pirates of the Caribbean. **

**Please review if you feel so inclined. It really brightens my day.**


	5. A Lake of Swans

**Huge thanks to Nouqueret, Homely, and Anne Nonymus. Many thanks to everyone who followed/favorited. I'm so glad you all are enjoying this story. **

**If you haven't seen the movie Emma watches in this chapter, there are massive spoilers for the ending.**

**Early chapter because I'll be hanging out with my dad tomorrow :)**

* * *

Emma's head had never pounded so hard. She once went shot for shot with a biker gang in Phoenix in the hopes of them dropping some information she needed. That hangover had merely been like an elephant sat on her head. This felt like an entire galaxy had exploded in it.

She disentangled herself from her blanket cocoon and rolled off the couch with a thud. Thankfully, the throbbing pain behind her eyes eclipsed how much her ass now hurt. She looked at the empty rum bottle on the floor and groaned.

"_But where'd all the rum go_?" She mimicked the voice of Jack Sparrow, mocking herself with the movie quote.

"Emma, you dumbass. The bottle wasn't even that full."

Her stomach rolled. She crawled to the bathroom and puked a little, which made her feel marginally better. Now, Emma needed some water. She grabbed the Brita pitcher from the fridge along with a glass and a box of crackers.

Emma flopped down on the couch and arranged all of her objects on the ground. They really needed an end table or something. She was dying to throw on the TV and watch The Price is Right. _Pirates of the Caribbean_ was out because any mention of rum or the open sea might make her hurl. The only thing she had to watch was _Jurassic Park_ though. It would have to do. She put the disc in her computer without looking at it. She kept hitting the enter button repeatedly so the movie would start without going to a menu.

The movie started with a giant lake and some guy rowing on it. It had been a while since Emma had seen Jurassic Park, but she was pretty sure it started with a bunch of people trying to contain dinosaur in the rain.

It soon dawned on Emma that the case and the DVD inside did not match. Emma's suspicion was confirmed when the title popped up.

Somehow her son had tricked her into buying _The Notebook. _

Emma scrunched her nose up. She wasn't really a chick flick kind of a girl. Unfortunately it was this or stare at the wall. At least Emma could mock the movie. Her brick walls were flawless.

As the movie continued Emma slowly, but surely found herself wrapped up in Noah and Allie's love story against her better judgment. Throughout the movie she kept feeling these twinges, a tight pull in her chest. When they got to the lake with all the swans she felt her tipping point approaching. On screen, Noah tells Allie that the swans at the lake won't stay, that they'll go back to where they came from.

The tightness in Emma's chest ratcheted up. It nearly cut off her breathing. She felt stupid, but she can't help but compare herself to those stupid swans. She was someplace temporary, but would soon go back home. The problem was that she doesn't know where home is. All she has is a longing in her heart for a place she can't name.

A face she can't name.

Just when she thought her head would explode from the hangover and her intense sadness, she started to cry. It surprised her how hard she could cry after all of the alcohol she'd had. She was severely dehydrated, yet absolutely flooding her apartment with tears. The crying subsided briefly and turned into snuffling hiccups.

Emma chugged her glass of water like her life depended. She clung to it like a lifeline. She continued watching the movie like a normal person.

Until it happened.

There was something about the scene where the older versions of Allie and Noah had dinner that broke something significant in her. Allie realizes that Noah is her husband and that the epic love story she heard was their own. Emma's sobs were even more violent than the last time.

They loved each other greatly, but Allie couldn't remember Noah. The naked anguish on his face floored Emma. The woman he loves in such a complete way pushed him away because she didn't remember him.

She couldn't recognize him.

She wouldn't ever recognize him.

_What if he comes back for me and I do that?_

The thought entered her head and left quicker than she could process it.

Just when Emma felt her heart had shattered entirely, Henry walked through the door. Emma didn't get a chance to look in the mirror that morning, but the look on Henry's face said it all.

"Um, you okay?"

Emma nodded, sniffling. She motioned for Henry to come over and give her a hug. She wrapped him tightly in a bear hug, careful not to cover him in tears or snot.

"What were you watching?" Henry asked warily.

"The _Notebook_. It's pretty tragic." Emma walked over to the counter and grabbed some paper towels. She mopped up her face.

"You are never allowed to watch that movie again."

Henry hit the pause button on the computer.

"It's almost done. Let me finish and I'll make you some pancakes."

Henry eyed his mother, taking in her tear-stained face and dishelved hair. "No offense, but you look terrible. How about _I_ make _you_ some pancakes?"

Emma arched an eyebrow.

"Or I could nuke some leftover Chinese takeout? Whatever works for you."

Henry unpaused the movie and set to work. Emma smiled at her son and returned to the movie. He soon joined her with two plates of hot food. They ate in silence as the finished the movie. The end of the movie was sad, but it wasn't nearly as gutwrenching as other parts for Emma.

She picked up their empty plates and did the dishes as Henry told her all about his sleepover at Avery's place. Emma tried to dial into what Henry was saying, but she had trouble focusing. Henry asked if he could play a video game for a bit. Emma, feeling guilty for not listening better, let him. She kissed him on the head then went to the bathroom and took two Advil. She stared at her reflection in the mirror for a moment.

Emma closed her eyes and tried to drown out the constant loop in her head of two lines from the movie.

_It wasn't over. It still isn't over._

* * *

**I love The Notebook and did a lot of "research" watching scenes from it. My husband was happy to be excluded from that.  
**

**I promise next chapter will not involve Emma watching a movie and having feelings about them. That could get monotonous quickly. Unless you all like that? I have a couple of other chapter ideas still up my sleeve though.** **The last chapter will probably be Killian arriving in New York. I will also cover some of her relationship with Walsh at some point.**


	6. Waves

**Heads up: I posted twice on Saturday, so you might be a chapter behind. I forgot that ffnet doesn't move up your story if you update on the same day. Whoops.**

**Enormous thanks to CuteMcBeauty, Nouqueret, Homely, and laugh0ften2012. CuteMcBeauty and laugh0ften2012 both asked for Killian, pining, and more of a crossover with what they're doing. I was more than happy to oblige. This chapter is for them. Thank you to everyone who favorited/followed/read last chapter.**

* * *

Killian stared at the ceiling of his cabin.

He couldn't tell what time it was. The sun had long since gone down. Every now and then the ship would creak with the movements of the skeleton crew above. No matter what time of day at least a few men needed to keep watch. They had sent Killian below out of concern for their beloved captain.

It had been one month, two weeks, and five days since he had last seen Emma.

His Swan.

He tallied each day in a little notebook he carried with him. It was his way of keeping his promise. He allowed himself five minutes in the morning to think of her. Those five minutes were heavy with anguish and the only moments of self-pity he gave himself all day. During the day he pushed through with his crew, working them to the bone. He figured if he filled moment of the day with work, then he would not have any room left for her to haunt him.

It mattered not. She still was a specter that chased after each decision he made. For his work was returning her to the Enchanted Forest. Killian had made a list of every contact he knew who might be able to procure the means to create a portal.

Thus far he only had one lead, and it was a poor one at that. A dealer was willing to trade him a magic bean for the Jolly Roger. While that was a fair deal, it wouldn't bring Emma back. It would merely allow Killian to return to her. He would follow her like a ghost, unable to touch her. She wouldn't remember him. If he could cobble together some memory potion, perhaps it would end a far sight better than he imagined. It would be selfish to make her remember, but not bring her to her loved ones.

Killian managed to hobble along despite all of his sorrow.

Today had been particularly brutal though. Killian had found out that one of his contacts in the Outer Lands had died. Maurice was a good man and had seemed like Killian's best bet for opening a new portal. Killian had lost a friend and a large measure of hope in one fell swoop.

He knew he wouldn't be falling asleep any time soon so he allowed himself a small indulgence: a memory.

Naturally, it was about her.

_Killian shot up in bed. A terrible scream rent him from his slumber. He recognized the voice, the name it was crying out._

_Henry._

_He slept in the nude so he wasted a few precious moments to throw on some clothes. There was no time for leather so he found the linen shirt and breeches he used as a disguise sometimes._

_He tore through the ship hallways, marveling at how no one else had awoken. They were all exhausted and he was a light sleeper out of necessity. Regina had used magic on the ship so they didn't need anyone on deck for a few hours._

_Killian opened the door to the room Emma and Regina shared. Regina looked so still that she almost seemed to be under a sleeping curse. Emma, in contrast, was thrashing in her bunk. Killian touched her shoulder, shaking her awake._

_"Swan." Killian brushes her hair back from her face. "Wake up."_

_Her movements slow, but her face was still contorted with pain._

_"It's merely a nightmare, love."_

_Emma's eyes flew open. They scan the room wildly before resting on Killian's face._

_"Hook?"_

_He nodded. "Aye. I could arouse someone else if you'd prefer."_

_Emma shook her head. He saw how distressed she was. It looked like she had been crying in her sleep earlier._

_"I'm sorry I woke you up. "_

_Killian stared at her for a moment. He had caught Emma in a rare moment of vulnerability and couldn't believe that every one of her walls wasn't slamming right up. She must be rather scared or rather delirious to allow him to glimpse this side of her._

_"We shall get the lad back. Each of us would lay down our lives to return him home safely."_

_Emma raised an eyebrow. "Even you?"_

_"Aye. No harm will come to him if there is anything I can do to stop it. You have my word."_

_Killian looked Emma dead in the eye, knowing she could sense the absolute veracity of his statement._

_"Thank you."_

_Killian nodded. He didn't need Emma's superpower to know how genuine her gratitude was._

_"You'll require your full strength in order to battle Pan. You should sleep."_

_Emma shook her head. "I don't think I can."_

_"Listen to the waves, love. Let the steady beat of them drown out any and all thoughts that may be preventing you from sleep. It's what I do."_

_Emma settled back under her covers and closed her eyes._

_"I know I keep saying it right now, but thank you."_

_Sensing the conversation was over, Killian left before he lost the will to. He would watch over her all night if she asked him to, chasing away the demons haunting her sleep._

_His advice must have worked because the next morning Emma seemed hale, hearty, and ready to take on Pan. _

It wasn't a particularly happy memory. Killian wasn't sure he could handle one of those. Reliving their kiss might just kill him. Emma letting him witness her in such a vulnerable state was astounding though. It had been a sign that she was starting to let him in.

Killian needed to sleep. The aching, dry feeling of his eyes made that apparent. He took his own advice and listened to the waves. It didn't take long before he was fast asleep.

* * *

Emma felt like death warmed over. She hadn't had the best sleep pattern since moving to New York, but it had been particularly bad this past week. She was averaging three hours of sleep tonight. It was hard to tell what started this, but Emma blamed her hangover from the previous Friday.

She still loved rum, but they were going to see different people for a little while.

Henry was up and about when Emma left her bedroom. He was watering all of the plants they had bought last Sunday. They really seemed to cheer the place up. Henry noticed his mom and made his way into the kitchen.

"I'll make you an Eggo."

Henry put the waffles in the toaster then joined his mom at the kitchen table.

"What's your sleep hygiene like, Mom?"

"My sleep what?"

"It's like your prebedtime routine. You have to have good sleep hygiene or you won't sleep well. That's what WebMD says anyway."

Emma winced. She thought she had been keeping her insomnia from Henry. Clearly he was more perceptive than she was deceptive.

Henry rattled off all of the information he found on the internet. When bedtime rolled around Emma tried all of it. She didn't have any caffeine. She took a hot bath. She put her computer away several hours before going to sleep.

It didn't work as well as Emma had hoped. She acknowledged that it was a small victory that it only took her two hours to fall asleep, but that still wasn't very good. The next night was more of the same.

Emma did her own research. She found that a lot of people used white noise to fall asleep. She figured it was worth a shot. She downloaded a free app on her phone so she could try it out.

That night Emma went through her new bedtime rituals. She climbed in bed and shuffled through the different noises she could listen to. The actual white noise just made her feel like she was watching a broken TV. She worried that the rain would make her need to pee in the middle of the night. The campfire noise was annoying.

Then she tried the waves.

Something unlocked in Emma's brain. She felt calmer in the instant the noise started. There was a presence that was warm, solid, and reassuring that accompanied it, the whisper of a memory. She settled down in her bed and closed her eyes.

_Listen to the waves, love._

Within minutes Emma had fallen asleep.

* * *

**So I was trying to come up with an idea for this chapter while I was getting ready for bed. I turned on my sound machine, which is set to ocean waves, and thought this would fit well. Noise is the only thing that works for my insomnia so I figured Emma could give it a try.**

**I hope my Killian voice worked for you. I don't know if I'll be doing it every chapter, but I'll try to if you all liked it. I still have some other ideas for chapters. Many of them include Walsh since he was around for eight months. They'll be more stealth shippery like the first couple of chapters I had. Two of my other favorite movie pirates will make an appearance or at the very least warrant a mention. **

**Thank you all again for reading. It really means a lot.**


	7. Ginger

**The response I had to last chapter was overwhelming. You all are fantastic. Thank you so much to CuteMcBeauty, Nouqueret, Guest, Homely, Fairepeacock, SibOlga, BehindThePurpleSmoke, and laugh0ften2012 for reviewing. Thank you to everyone who favorited/followed/read last chapter.**

**Another Killian chapter because you all seem to like him so much :) **

**The stuff in italics is a (longer than I initially intended) flashback.**

* * *

Emma rummaged through the cabinets looking for more hot chocolate mix. It appeared that Henry had used the last of it and had forgotten to tell his mom. Emma would have to settle on the random box of tea she found. The box claimed it was caffeine-free so she didn't feel bad about drinking it this late.

They didn't own a kettle so Emma just nuked the water in the microwave. It wasn't the ideal way to make tea, but it would work for her. Opened the packet that the tea was in and the smell hit her.

Ginger.

She smiled to herself and began steeping the tea. When it was done she added nothing, choosing to drink it plain.

Henry appeared from his bedroom in pajamas. His hair was wet from his shower and created dark spots on his grey shirt.

"Hot chocolate?"

Emma arched an eyebrow. "It would be if someone hadn't finished the box without telling their mom."

Henry scrunched up his face. "Oops."

"Yeah, 'oops' is right. I'm just having some tea I don't remember buying."

"Is it nighttime stuff? I picked it up for you at the bodega down the street last week. I thought it might help you sleep. I didn't tell you?"

Emma shook her head and took a sip of her tea. She reveled in the burn it sent down her throat.

"Can I try?" Henry held out his hand.

Emma let him take the cup, careful to keep him from burning himself. Henry took a sip and swished the liquid around in his mouth.

"Needs more sugar."

"You can make your own and dump a bunch of sugar in it, but I like my ginger tea plain."

"Since when do you drink tea?"

"I used to drink this stuff all the time when I was pregnant and nauseated though. It worked pretty well."

Henry nodded thoughtfully. "Kind of like ginger ale."

"Sure. I can't remember the last time I had a cup, but it feels like it wasn't too long ago."

* * *

"Captain! The sea is getting too rough. Some of the new guys are sick."

Killian swore to himself. Mr. Smee looked worried. His jolly, red hat was stowed away somewhere, leaving his hair plastered to his face with rain.

"Take them below. You know what to do."

Mr. Smee nodded. He found those who were ill and brought them below deck. Hook closed his eyes tightly once they were stowed away. He would have to avoid the kitchen and bunks tonight.

Some memories were best left to wash away with the rain. They were too bitter, too sweet to relive.

That didn't stop his traitorous thoughts from turning to those moments though.

"_Hook!"_

_Killian heard Emma call his name from down the hall. The worry in her voice was audible. The door flew open, making a loud crack as it hit the wall. Emma looked down at Killian, who was sprawled out on the floor. He was clutching his stomach and grimacing in pain._

_"I don't suppose you know what's wrong with me, love."_

_Emma knelt down on the floor. She laid a bucket for swabbing the decks next to Killian's head._

_"We think it was the chicken Wendy made for dinner. Being imprisoned in a cage really dulled her cooking skills. Everyone who had Tink's fish was fine."_

_Killian groaned. The only reason he had the chicken was because they ran out of fish and as a courtesy he let everyone else eat first. Typical that being a gentleman got him into trouble. This was why he so enjoyed being a pirate._

_"Who else fell ill?"_

_Emma frowned. "I didn't ask. I came to check on you. Mary Margaret and I figured it out when David started puking and we didn't. The seas are really calm right now."_

_Killian ignored the small burst of warmth he felt in his chest. Her immediate concern probably had more to do with the fact that he was in charge than because she cared for him a great deal._

_Emma forced him onto the bed. Killian's head was just off his bunk, allowing Emma to hold the bucket at the edge of the bed. She sat, but soon shot out of her chair and looked around the cabin. She quickly found a handkerchief and a waterskin. She poured some water onto the cloth and set it on the back of his neck. Her mother had done that for David. It seemed like even if it didn't cure his problem, it did add a small measure of comfort._

_"It's a shame you don't have any Pepto or ginger ale in your realm," Emma joked uneasily._

_"We've neither of those items, but the galley should have fresh ginger in it." Killian paused before adding. "Could you assist me in removing my vest? I would rather not get sick on it."_

_Emma started to make a cutting remark about him just wanting her to strip him. She realized this was less of a come-on and more of an actual request for help though. She tried to undress him as quickly as possible, but his lethargy and hook made it more difficult than she hoped for. He was soon arranged on the bed._

_The bile rose in Killian's throat. He fought to keep it down. He would not evacuate the contents of his stomach in front of Emma. That was not an option for his pride._

_His digestive system had other plans._

_Had Emma not had the bucket wedged between her legs and the bed, then the bucket would've rolled away from the sheer force of Killian's vomit. His necklace kept clanking against the metal of the bucket, almost falling in. Emma rescued it by removing it from his neck and throwing it around her own. She dropped it down her shirt to keep it out of the way._

_Killian would have to remember this when he had the time and focus to discern what that meant._

_After a moment's hesitation Emma rubbed his back. Her hand moved in soothing circles, mimicking what she had seen Mary Margaret do earlier. Killian wasn't sure if her discomfort stemmed from her not wanting to touch him or from his lack of shirt._

_Another thing to analyze later._

_"The faster you get it out of your system, the better you'll feel."_

_Killian spat into the bucket. He would've given anything for a cup of water and a toothbrush. His reprieve was short and he was soon puking again._

_Emma continued her ministrations on his back. Killian decided that was the only silver lining to this situation. She may look awkward and like she would rather be anywhere else, but she was here._

_Taking care of him._

_"I need to empty the bucket. Think you can hold out a minute?"_

_"Aye."_

_Killian motioned for the water. Emma obliged so he could rinse out his mouth first._

_Emma looked at Killian a moment longer, assessing how well he would hold up in her absence. She then ran from the room. The length of time Emma was gone seemed interminable. All Killian could do was breath slowly through his mouth and pray Emma wouldn't have to clean up a mess when she got back._

_Emma returned less than ten minutes after she left. She sat down in the chair again, but steadied herself against Killian's arm this time. He felt an immense amount of heat coming from her hand. It diffused throughout his body, warming every inch of him._

_The door opened. Regina was damn lucky that Killian wasn't feeling up to yelling at her. He had some harsh words for the woman for interrupting this moment._

_"Tea?"_

_Regina offered a steaming mug from the board she was using as a tray. Emma quickly took it and had a sip. She nodded at Regina._

_"Good work."_

_Regina smiled and sauntered out the door to deliver more tea._

_"Try it. It's ginger tea. I used to drink it all the time when I was pregnant with Henry. It helps with nausea."_

_Killian sat up some and took the proffered cup. He drank a little. It was good. It was sweet, yet spicy and burned a little on the way down._

_"My compliments to the queen."_

_Killian swallowed the tea slowly. He could see that Emma was waiting for him to finish. It occurred to him that he could keep her here longer if he drew out his cup of tea. One look at the dark rings under her eyes had him take the rest of the drink in one gulp though. She was too noble to tell him to hurry up so she could go to bed._

_Killian set down the mug and waited for Emma to make her exit. She left without much fanfare. The only thing she did that gave Killian hope was pause at the door. The way she looked at him, fleeting though it was, made his head spin._

_Killian stood up and walked over to his desk. That tea Regina made must've had some sort of magical properties to it. He was feeling perfectly fine. His hand came up to scratch his bare chest when he realized Emma still had his necklace. Seeing if she still had it seemed like a good excuse to go after her. Knowing her she was up and around helping the sick even though she was practically dead on her feet. Maybe if she was still up he would convince her that he was feeling well enough to take her place._

_But first a shirt._

_There were a lot of women on board that might swoon at the sight of him._

_Killian made his way down the hall and stopped when he saw Mary Margaret and David outside of Emma's room. Both were peering into the open door. They were talking about Emma so Killian rationalized that it was okay for him to eavesdrop long enough to hear if Emma was still awake._

_"Look at them, Charming. Our little family is growing."_

_Killian stood rooted to his spot. He knew he should move, but couldn't stop his stupid, masochistic heart from wanting to hear more._

_"Snow, they aren't back together yet," David warned._

_"I know, but I think it's so nice. They spent all of this time apart and now they're together again. It's just really touching. Now they can be the family the curse didn't allow them to be."_

_Killian's heart ached. He practically sprinted from where he stood. It killed him to think that what he wanted could hurt so many others. His wooing of Emma was a selfish decision. If she chose him over Baelfire, then he would be the villain, the one who destroyed a family, to all of the people in Emma's life._

_It was so ridiculous. He hadn't minded being the villain in the past, but now all he wanted was to be her hero. The only way to do that was to not fight dirty._

_He would have to let her make his way back to her and he wasn't certain she ever would want to._

_The next morning Killian woke up to a note and his necklace on the bedside table. He slipped the necklace on and read the note._

**_I hope you feel better this morning._**

_Damn her for making it seem so alluring to be the villain again._

Killian tried to keep his mind off of the note in his cabin. It was rolled up and stored in a glass vial. He unrolled it every morning and read it. It was starting to become worn at the edges from his attention.

That night she had given him something to hope for and he had decided to give her up. It was everything awful and good in one neat package.

* * *

**So I went to watch a couple of clips from the show to help with this chapter and fell down the rabbit hole. So there went my day off. I happened upon a scene I had completely forgotten about (when Killian tells Neal he won't be going after Emma) and tried to work in a little backstory on that moment.**


	8. Interlude

**Special thanks to laugh0ften2012, ValleyGirl1530, Nouqueret, BehindThePurpleSmoke, and Homely for reviewing. The poor dears were on the receiving end of my word vomit for their trouble. Thank you to everyone who favorited/followed/read the last chapter.**

**Sorry it took me so long to write an update. I messed up my own timeline and had some issues working it out. Also, writing Regina and Snow threw me for a bit of a loop. Hopefully, I didn't mess them up too much.**

**This chapter takes place in between the moments you saw in Killian's flashback during the last chapter. It follows different people, but is linear.**

* * *

"Regina!" Emma called out.

Regina spun around quickly, thinking that the summons had something to do with Henry. She eyed the mostly full bucket Emma was carrying.

"Feeling poorly?"

Emma glanced down. "Oh um Hook is sick. I need to go empty this. Walk with me?"

Regina nodded.

They made their way above deck. Several Lost Boys were painting the side of the Jolly Roger with the contents of their stomach.

"Is it possible to heal people with magic?" Regina watched Emma's face carefully. She was studiously avoiding making eye contact.

"Heal? I don't think you're there yet. You could help alleviate symptoms though or make someone not be able to feel something if you really focused though. Why?"

Emma tipped the bucket over the edge and let the liquid fall into the sea. She rinsed it out and motioned for Regina to follow her to the galley.

"I touched Hook and it felt like I was doing something when I did." She groaned at the smug smile on Regina's face. "Never mind, it sounds stupid. Forget I asked."

Regina stepped in front of Emma, blocking her from opening the galley door.

"Magic comes from intent. If you have a strong emotion it can translate into something happening. It wouldn't hurt to try. Worst case scenario is that you get to put your hands all over Hook, which I'm sure you wouldn't hate too much."

Regina smirked and opened the galley door. She wasn't prepared for the onslaught of vicious words that hit them as they walked in.

"If you're just going to cry, you can get the hell out of my kitchen," Tink snarled from her spot near a large pot. She turned around and made a face. The tips of her eyes turned a slight pink color.

"Sorry. I thought you were Wendy. She wouldn't stop crying and I just can't handle it anymore. I can't coddle her and fix her mess at the same time."

Tink had an array of mismatched cups and mugs out. There was a large pot boiling over the stove. A pile of finely grated ginger sat on the counter.

"I'm almost done making tea. Would either of you be able to help?"

Regina raised her hand then shoved a scowling Emma toward the door. "I will. Emma needs to go check on her patient."

Emma stumbled toward the door, wanting to leave but not wanting to give Regina the satisfaction. She was almost out the door when she heard Regina's parting shot.

"Direct skin contact will make the magic stronger!"

* * *

Snow snuggled in closer to her husband. He wasn't feverish anymore and had kept down the tea Regina brought him.

It was all thanks to Emma. She had rushed into their cabin like the hero she had become. A few minutes of touching her father's arm and silvery white light later, Charming was feeling light-years better. Emma, on the other hand, could barely stand straight. The magic had taken a lot out of her. Snow had walked her daughter back to her room.

Neal was sleeping in a chair next to Henry's bed. He must have fallen asleep there earlier on. There were two cots on the floor. One was occupied by Regina. The other was empty for Emma. She curled up on the cot and pulled the blankets over her body. Her fingers curled around a necklace that Snow hadn't noticed before.

Snow kissed the top of Emma's head, then did the same to Henry's. She stood in the doorway for several moments, looking at her ever expanding family. Getting Henry and Emma back was a giant blessing, but Snow considered getting Regina back to be their biggest victory. She had loved her stepmother so deeply and it killed her when she turned on her. That void had been hollowing Snow out years before she had Emma or Henry to worry about. When given the chance Regina had a great capacity for love and Snow was hoping she would embrace that soon. Charming joined her and they talked for a bit before crawling into bed.

Snow soon fell asleep with her heart full of love.

* * *

Emma woke up with a start. She felt a small cut on the inside of her hand. It was welling slightly with blood. It seemed she had been clutching something sharp in her hand.

Hook's necklace.

Her eyes wandered guiltily over to Neal's sleeping form. It never occurred to Emma to ask how Neal felt last night. Her immediate thought had been to check on Hook. To be fair, she had known how her parents were faring (David, poorly and Mary Margaret, well). Henry slept through dinner so he was also unaffected. Still, she should've at least wondered if Neal had been sick.

Emma padded out of the room. The sun was barely up. Hardly anyone was stirring except for those who were above deck steering the ship. The path to Hook's room seemed too short. Emma didn't know how she was going to handle herself. She knocked lightly, then decided to just sneak in when she noticed the door was unlocked.

Hook lay sprawled out on his bed. The sheet had moved during the night, which left Emma with an excellent view of his bare chest. Emma's fingers fluttered slightly, unconsciously attempting to touch him. She set the necklace down on the little table next to his bed. It occurred to her that she should leave a note.

Emma found a scrap of paper and a pen. She agonized over what to write for several moments. It had to be nice, but not encouraging nice. She finally settled on telling him that she hoped he would feel better in the morning. It seemed neutral enough.

Unlike her feelings.

Hook looked so young in his sleep, so unfettered by all of his old wounds. He looked more like the man Killian that Emma caught glimpses of every now and again. His soft snoring let Emma know he was truly asleep.

"I wish I could pick you," she whispered.

Emma took a shuddering breath. It killed her that everything was so muddled that she couldn't do what she wanted. Henry made things complicated. Her unresolved past with Neal made things complicated

The best choice for Henry was to hold off on starting anything with Hook. The best choice for Henry was to see if his parents could sort out all of their problems and become friends.

Or more.

It was the 'or more' that made Emma pause. She wasn't sure if she could ever be in a romantic relationship with Neal again. All of her uncertainty was unfair to Hook. His room wasn't the place to think about how well and truly messed up her love life was.

Emma couldn't leave the room without one more glance at Hook. She would have to give him up soon.

Just not today.

* * *

**I'm a huge fan of sassy Regina, obviously. The problem I had was that Emma originally hadn't used magic on David and yet he's wandering around the ship. Whoops. I worked it out, but felt really silly for making that mistake. **

**I apologize for the unevenness of this update. This chapter is really clumsy, but the next one should be a lot less shaky.**

**Thank you again for reading! **


	9. Solo

**Many, many thanks to Nouqueret, BehindThePurpleSmoke, fox24, Homely, CuteMcBeauty, CorrineMcGinley93, laugh0ften2012, HerMadjesty for reviewing. Thank you to everyone who followed/favorite/read the last chapter.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"It looks like a glitter factory threw up in here," Emma whispered.

Henry squinted at his neighbor's apartment. "There's so much _pink_."

Mrs. Cuse, Henry's occasional babysitter, was hosting her granddaughter's birthday party. The five year old had requested a princess and pirate party. There were feathers strewn about from boas and streamers hanging from every possible space. Mrs. Cuse and her daughter Joan were trying to keep an eye on all of the little ones, but they were having a rather exuberant dance party. A girl with shiny, red curls and a tiara on spotted Emma and Henry. Her eyes narrowed in on the bags they held.

"Cupcakes!"

A swarm of five year olds descended. Emma would've assumed that the little boys dressed as pirates would have been the most intense ones rushing her. Strangely, it was the girls in the frilliest dresses. Emma held the bags above her head.

"We have to put these on plates. Keep dancing or no cupcakes," she warned.

Every kid's eyes went wide. Henry was roped into the dance party by two little princesses who thought he was cute. Emma and Mrs. Cuse put the cupcakes on plates.

"Thank you so much. I really appreciate you running out to pick these up. Joanie would've killed me if I forgot them."

"I would've killed you if you left me alone with all of those kids."

Mrs. Cuse smiled. While not sarcastic herself, she seemed to enjoy Emma's snarky comments.

They entered the living room with plates full of cupcakes. It was not a moment too soon. Joan was trying to figure out how to disentangle a pirate's hook from a princess' skirt. Henry required extricating from the super awkward love triangle he was now involved with. Both little girls seemed smitten with him and kept trying to earn his attention.

As soon as Emma finished handing out cupcakes Henry bolted for the door. Once they were both safely in their apartment Henry locked the door.

"What is it with girls and wanting to be a princess? You never wanted to be one, right?"

Emma shrugged. "Does Princess Leia count? I really wanted to be her."

"I could see that. You guys are pretty similar. She kicks some serious butt."

Emma laughed. That was a major part of her affection for the character. She was a princess who chose to help her people by running a rebellion.

"We're practically the same person. All I need is her hair, a scoundrel to pine after me, and secret magic powers."

Henry snickered.

"If I meet any guys with a cool ship I'll be sure to give them your number, Mom."

* * *

It had been a rough couple of weeks for Killian. His crew had become restless with his information gathering so they had gone back to pirating. It wasn't sitting quite right with Killian, but it was what he knew. His skin felt too tight for his body. He couldn't muster up any enthusiasm for the tasks that lie before him. Pirating had lost all of its excitement for him. Every day he spent pirating was a day he wasted not looking for a way back to Emma. At the same time he was starting to lose hope. All he had left to keep him company was his pain. The sooner he went back to his old life, the better he would feel.

Or so he thought.

The Ariel situation had exposed what an awful idea that had been. He felt terrible for not helping her, which was not the pirate way. The sense of morality he had grown made his conscience prick at all of his actions with her. It was an impossibility for him to part with his ship though no matter how guilty he felt. It was the only thing he had left in his life. It was haunted with the ghosts of his loved ones.

Liam.

Milah.

Emma.

Losing the Jolly Roger would've meant losing his last touchstone with their memories. Sometimes, in his darkest moments, Killian wondered if that would be such a bad thing.

Emma hadn't actually returned his feelings when she left. He essentially told her that he loved her, and her response had been to tell him that she knew and wanted him to. What kind of response was that?

It was getting to the point though where he was starting to forget what Emma looked like. The exact curve of her smile, which had been as familiar to him as his ship, was becoming harder to recall. It pained him that the woman he thought might be his True Love was fading from his mind.

He started drawing her face as a way of remembering every last inch of it. Sometimes he would get a detail wrong and have to start over. Her hair was too curly. Her nose wasn't the right shape. Soon he had a decent likeness of her on paper. He made several copies of it with varying expressions.

He captured the determined look she had when they were looking for Henry. The smirk that she wore so often took him a couple of tries to perfect. The hardest one to capture was the smile she had for her family. It wasn't a look that Killian had seen on her face often. Much of the time they spent together was while they were looking for Henry or a way back to him. She never directed the full power of that smile at him, so the drawing wasn't looking directly at the viewer.

Killian wasn't sure if this pastime was helping or healing his injured heart, but he didn't care. It made him feel closer to her.

When Snow's bluebird came to warn him about the Wicked Witch, he was touched by the gesture. He wasn't sure why he warranted such a show of concern. In return, he sent her one of his drawings, the one of Emma smiling. His burden felt a little lighter because he was sharing his memory of her with someone who loved her as much as he did.

Snow was the only hope he had left that Emma would come back. As a villain he wasn't so sure he would get a happy ending, but Emma was also her parents' happy ending.

And no one deserved a happy ending quite like the absurdly noble Charming Family.

* * *

**So this update took me way too long for two reasons. The first was that I kept trying to shoehorn in more of my feelings on Star Wars, which I deeply love. This entire fic actually started as a post 3x22 ficlet about Henry explaining the significance of the name Princess Leia to Killian. It was kind of a hot mess so I trimmed back a lot of that. The second reason was that I initially wanted Killian to give Snow the drawing in person. I had this whole thing planned out where she saw the drawing, asked for it, and cried. Unfortunately I was rewatching clips (because research?) and saw the part where Killian outright states that he hasn't seen her since he left that first time. Boo.**

**Walsh will be in the next chapter. I apologize for that, but I'm still going to make those chapters have at least some CS action in them. **

**Thank you all again for reading. Your support and reviews have been so wonderful. I hadn't written fic in a very long time, and you all have been so welcoming.**


	10. Chapter of Unusual Size

**Thank you to Cute McBeauty (whose wish coincided with my plans), Guest (whose suggestion I liked and appreciated, but I had a way I was already using Killian's name so I didn't end up using their idea), fox24, and BehindThePurpleSmoke for reviewing.**

**I'm so sorry for taking a long time to update. I wanted to cram all of the Walsh sections into one chapter because I really hated writing him. The last two sections are all about the Enchanted Forest if you want to skip to them :)**

* * *

"We have to get going soon, kid. Save your game and put some shoes on."

Henry sighed. "Just let me finish watching this cut scene. Two minutes."

Emma nodded then flopped down on the couch next to her son. He had been wrapped up in The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker during the past week. Every night Henry immediately finished his homework so he could play. Emma didn't think this was the best parenting model, but her son was finishing his homework on time without prodding. That seemed like a huge win in her book. She hadn't paid much attention to the game, but it was rated E for Everyone so it couldn't be very violent or anything.

"So if you're Zelda does that guy keep calling you Henry?"

Henry pursed his lips. He didn't hit the button to continue the dialogue on screen.

"I'm not Zelda, Mom. I'm Link."

Emma furrowed her brow. "Then why is it called Legend of Zelda?"

"Zelda is a princess that has access to the Triforce and she helps Link on his quests. She's very important to Link's success."

"Doesn't sound like it. So is Zelda that girl on the screen?"

"Well that's actually Tetra who is this cool pirate captain. She's helped me out a couple of times. It's about to be confirmed that she's actually Zelda."

Emma nodded even though she wasn't sure she was following. Henry hit a button on the controller to continue the dialogue. She frowned as the story unfolded. Henry saved the game and turned off the console.

"Wait so now that she's a princess she has to stay put in some underwater castle? No one bothered to give her back her memories sooner and she gets left out of the fun? That doesn't seem fair."

Henry shrugged. "It's just a game."

He grabbed a pair of sneakers and laced them up. Emma found her purse and they left the apartment for the furniture store. Her gut reaction was to find an IKEA or Target to find something cheap to temporarily sit in their living room. Buying expensive furniture was more of a commitment. It was a keeper piece so it should be bought once you're in a long-term kind of place. Emma had researched places online and found The Tin Woodsman. It was an independent store that handcrafted wooden furniture. It wasn't far from their apartment so they decided to walk.

Emma fell a little in love with the store as soon as she walked in. There tables everywhere with chairs set in between. Someone had taken the time to put a few knickknacks on every surface to enhance the homeyness of the store. A tall man in a t-shirt and jeans approached them.

"Can I help you two find anything?"

His smile lit up his whole face and made Emma's heart beat just a touch faster.

"We're looking for a coffee table."

They soon learned the man's name was Walsh and that he owned the store. He went through explaining how he ran things. Everything in the store was a showpiece. All of the furniture he made was completely built to order. Emma could see why. There were many different models and woods. Several pieces were also stained or hand painted with varying designs.

Henry found a coffee table he really liked. It was low and made of a pale wood. Emma found an end table made of the same wood that she really liked. They were walking to the register to fill out paperwork when Emma noticed a kitchen table. It was lightly brushed with white paint that had been watered down. It was pretty and had a beach house kind of feel to it. Little teal waves had been painted around the edges.

"Can we get them decorated like this?" She gestured toward the table.

Walsh smiled. "Of course. I actually just finished that one. I've been playing a lot of Assassin's Creed so I was in a pirate mood."

"My mom loves pirates," Henry interjected in a too innocent voice.

Clearly, he wasn't kidding around when he said he was going to start finding her a guy. Thankfully, Walsh just laughed and went to get his paperwork.

"Cool your jets, kid," Emma whispered.

In return Henry just smiled. He wasn't done yet. When Walsh came back he was questioned about delivery options. Henry made sure he mentioned that it was just him and his mom so they would need help getting the furniture up the stairs. It wasn't the most subtle approach, but at least he wasn't handing out Emma's phone number to strangers.

* * *

Emma's phone nearly vibrated off the table. She snatched it out of the air just before it hit the ground. She was still in her pajamas at noon and had no plans for the day. Work had been slow and she was bored.

"Emma Swan."

"Um hi Emma. It's Walsh. From the Tin Woodsman?"

If Emma weren't so confused as to why he was calling she might've noticed the nervousness in his voice.

"Hi. Is there a problem?"

"No. I just finished your order early and wanted to let you know. Whenever you're ready I can get the guys to deliver your stuff."

Emma nodded, then realized that he couldn't see her. "Okay. "

"And once your tables get delivered then you're no longer my customer and maybe we could go out for dinner?"

Emma's eyes widened. She hadn't been on a date in forever. It wasn't her usual speed. Walsh seemed so nice though. Plus, she was trying to make roots here. Dating people led to roots. Plus, Henry seemed to like him.

"Emma?"

"Um yeah sure when?"

"I'm free every evening this week except Tuesday. Whatever works for you is good."

The idea of waiting several days made Emma nauseated. She wouldn't be able to sleep and would second guess everything.

"How about lunch? We could meet up somewhere in an hour?"

Less time to freak out.

Less time for Emma to psych herself out.

"Well it's good to know you're excited. Ostria is near the shop. I was planning on taking you there for dinner, but it would work for lunch."

"See you at 1 at Ostria."

Emma had less than an hour to find clean clothes and make her way to the restaurant. The time crunch made her analyze her outfit much less than if she had a whole week to plan. She settled on a silky red top, black pants, and a pair of heels.

She made it to the restaurant with ten minutes to spare. Apparently that wasn't early enough because Walsh was already there. Emma made polite small talk with them. An endless litany of commands ran through her head.

_Act like a normal person._

_Ask questions and listen to the answers._

_Don't get defensive if he tries to get to know you._

_But if he does something truly creepy then get the hell out of Dodge._

It seemed like it was going okay until they ordered. She couldn't remember what she had read in the menu. She couldn't even remember what kind of food they served. This caused Emma to blurt out that she wanted an ice cream sundae. Surprisingly Walsh was sweet about it. He talked the chef into making her a sundae even though it wasn't on the menu.

Emma thought the date had gone really well after that point. She was kind of charming. Walsh laughed at her jokes. He was so normal and he liked her. It made Emma feel like she was normal. She could see herself wanting more of that.

And because Emma started feeling so comfortable, something inside her made her hit the self-destruct button.

"I'm a felon," she blurted out.

Walsh stared at her wide-eyed.

"When I was young Henry's dad left me to take the fall by myself in a robbery. I ended up pregnant and alone in jail. I did my time and haven't had so much as a parking ticket since, but I thought you should know."

_Stop talking!_

Emma practically sprinted away from Walsh, no easy feat in her heels. She wasn't sure why she dumped all of that on him, but a small part of her knew it was probably for the best. If she got attached then it would be so much worse.

The furniture was delivered with no problems. Thankfully, they had hashed all of that out before Emma's mouth got her into trouble. She felt an uncomfortable wave of guilt every time she looked at the new tables. It was just more proof that she would never be able to interact well with other people.

This thinking persisted until Walsh called her. He wanted to see her again. They decided to meet up at a bar for drinks.

Jefferson's had a very traditional feel to it. The bar was made entirely of heavily lacquered wood. There were dart boards in one corner and a billiards table in another. Cozy booths lined the rest of the wall space. Emma immediately felt like she fit in there. She was a little early so she sat on a barstool and looked over the draft pulls.

She wasn't too jazzed about the choices, but settled on a Killian's Red because she liked saying the name. It was a silly reason, but it was better than picking a beer at random.

When the beer came she took her first sip. It was smooth and perfectly balanced. It wasn't too bitter or sweet. The aftertaste was there, but didn't linger too long.

Walsh showed up not long after and ordered a Stella Artois. Emma tried it, but it was too bitter for her. She washed it down with a few gulps of her own beer. Stuff like Stella was what drove her to usually order a glass of red wine.

Emma found herself enjoying Walsh's company despite his awful taste in beer. She could see this actually going somewhere.

* * *

Emma scanned the bar for Walsh. He had arrived earlier in the night with friends. It was hard to spot him. The lights were low. Fake cobwebs, skeletons, and streamers hung from the ceiling. It didn't help that Emma didn't know who Walsh was dressed up as.

She made her way through the crowd, feeling like she was wearing too much clothing. She had Googled 'easy Halloween costumes for women' and come up with Rosie the Riveter. She had a red bandana in her hair and a bright blue shirt on with jeans.

Emma continued to move around the room. Her eyes caught on a figure in the corner. She could just see the side of his scruffy face. His short, dark hair was tousled in careless disarray. A long, leather coat brushed the back of his black pants. Emma felt her breath catch in her throat. Without thinking she plowed through people on her way to that man. She was barely six feet from him when he turned around.

She thought in dismay that his eyes were brown, not the blue she was expecting.

An arm around her waist snapped her to attention. She pivoted quickly to see what jerk was going to get her fist in his face. She came face to face with Walsh dressed as the Dread Pirate Roberts.

"I was ready to hit you!"

Walsh held up his hands in surrender.

"Sorry."

Emma shook her head. "I thought all you pirates believed in good form."

"I thought not following rules made a pirate who he was."

Emma frowned. "Whatever. I need a drink."

"As you wish."

The words instantly reminded Emma of a forest and a searing kiss. She shrugged it off thinking the locale was the Fire Swamp from _The Princess Bride_ instead of Neverland.

* * *

Snow wasn't expecting a reply from Hook. She figured he would read herwarning and probably ignore it. Sending it would've been something Emma wanted though. Little things like that made her feel closer to her daughter. Sometimes when it was quiet she would think about what Emma and Henry were doing at that moment. Were they eating pizza? Watching a movie? She came up with elaborate stories about how they spent their time. She missed them both so much.

A flicker of hope went through her as she stared at the roll of parchment. Maybe Hook had found a way to bring them back. If he had encountered some sort of realm travel he would definitely let them know about it. He may not be Snow's favorite person, but he clearly cared for Emma a great deal.

Snow unrolled the parchment and felt her heart stop. It was a drawing, a likeness of Emma. She was smiling brilliantly. There was no note, but a tiny set of initials in the corner confirmed that it was from Hook. Tears blurred Snow's vision, making it hard to look at the paper. She hastily wiped at her eyes.

"Charming!"

Her voice cracked as she called for her husband. It was Regina who appeared from behind a tree.

"He's out patrolling the borders," she called out.

Their entire entourage was still staying in Sherwood Forest at the moment. It was important that they maintain their safety there.

Regina stopped short when she saw Snow's crumpled face. She saw the parchment in her hands and grabbed it. The last thing she would've guessed would be a drawing. Regina had to admit it was fairly accurate. Looking at the picture made her remember that she didn't have any photos of Henry. She felt the prick of oncoming tears.

"That must be a comfort to you. Is there one of Henry too?"

Mary Margaret's chin wobbled further. In her happiness she had momentarily forgotten about Henry. She wished Regina could share in this joy with her.

"It's from Hook. Do you think he's looking for her?"

Regina shrugged. It was a horrible response, but she didn't think false hope was a good idea either. She had accepted her fate begrudgingly. Any thought that she might see Henry again was like a dagger to her heart.

"Write him back. Ask him."

Snow found her bag and dug out the small amount of parchment she had. It took her a while to come up with the perfect words.

_Hook,_

_Thank you for the drawing. I will treasure it always. If you ever need anything please don't hesitate to send me a message._

_I haven't given up hope and neither should you._

_Thank you again,_

_Snow White_

_PS If it isn't too much trouble can you draw a picture of Henry for Regina? I think she would really appreciate that as would we._

Snow looked at the paper, satisfied with what she wrote. She wanted to ask if he was out looking for Emma, but she couldn't formulate a way that was both direct _and_ appropriate.

_Are you searching for her?_

_If you find her you know you can't just whisk her away to be your first mate forever, right?_

_I think she could love you someday._

It was a surprise to Snow when her bluebird reappeared so soon. She had sent her message to Hook less than a day before. There was a large roll of parchment, which she hoped was the drawing she had requested. She deftly untied the paper from her bluebird and unwound it. She read the message attached first.

_Your Majesty._

_Unfortunately I was not around Henry long enough to truly remember what he looked like. I did find this among the things left on my ship by the Lost Boys though. I believe Pan used it to aid them in finding him. I hope the Queen likes it._

_Sincerely,_

_Killian Jones_

_P.S. Hope is a luxury I can ill afford, yet I find myself unable to give it up. If you ever require my services, I am entirely at your command._

Snow smiled at the message. Her face caved slightly once she got to the drawing of Henry. It was unfair that their family was apart. She found Regina surreptitiously staring at Robin near the campfire. Snow asked her stepmother to join her farther into the woods, away from the rest of the group. She handed over the drawing. Regina's face instantly softened, tears filling her eyes. Snow grabbed her in a tight hug. They both clung fast, using the other woman to keep them from drowning in their sorrow.

* * *

Killian cocked an eyebrow at the bird circling overhead. It carried a small scrap of paper and a vial. The bird dropped suddenly into Killian's hand. He carefully extricated the package.

It took three quick readings for him to grasp what the message said, what it meant for him.

They were instructions for him to go to The Land Without Magic to find Emma. Storybrooke was back which meant he wouldn't need to account for a return trip. With a pang, he realized what he had to do.

Killian rounded up his men and gave them their final wages from him plus extra. Luckily, they were currently in port so it didn't take long for him to get them off the ship. He quickly steered his ship to the Outer Isles, trying to outrun the new curse. He remembered the trade he had been offered months ago.

The Jolly Roger for a magic bean.

It pained Killian to think that he would be trading away his ship, but it would be worth it. In return he would be getting his Swan back. He would trade away damn near anything to be in the same realm as her again.

* * *

**As you can probably tell, this story is winding down. I just have the parts we saw on the show to address, which I'm equal parts stoked and nervous about writing. I don't know how I'm going to break up the chapters, but there should be less than four left.**

**Walsh was really weird to write. We don't get a lot of information about him (and it's all super weird).**

**Killian's Red is actually one of my favorite beers. The only reason Henry got a Gamecube several chapters back was so I could talk about Windwaker. I think every kid that played the Zelda games had the Zelda/Link discussion with someone. Colin has said in interviews that he based some of Hook off of the Dread Pirate Roberts. I couldn't resist a reference to the awesome that is The Princess Bride. Rosie the Riveter was on posters in the US during WWII to promote women helping with the war effort at home. She's not a blonde, but I think Emma would still consider it a good option for a Halloween costume.  
**

**I want to get the next chapter up by the end of this week. It should be much easier because I actually like writing Emma and Killian.**


	11. Saudade

**Special thank you to moni1028, supernaturalfan2013, and spartacusblack for reviewing. Thank you to everyone who followed and read the last chapter. **

**This chapter is for Homely who asked weeks ago for me to cover when Emma and Killian meet up in New York.**

* * *

It was just Emma's luck. She brought Henry to the library, which housed tens of thousands of books they could borrow for free, and he immediately veered into the bookstore. The small room was lined with bookshelves. Boxes of books on tables were labeled with subjects. A large sign at the door stated that all proceeds went to the Friends of the Library and that they were always taking donations.

Henry was crouched on the floor near the youth fiction books. He already had a large stack. Thankfully it looked like the books were only a dollar.

"They have all the Percy Jackson books, Mom. Can I get them?" Henry asked. "Avery said they're awesome."

Emma picked one up and looked at the cover.

"What are they about?"

"All of the Greek gods and myths are real. This kid finds out he's a demigod and has powers."

It wasn't Emma's cup of tea, but Henry seemed jazzed about it so she let him get the books. She grabbed a book at random to look at while Henry was scanning the shelves.

"This one sounds interesting. It's these two girls who find out they're related to the Brothers Grimm. Fairy tale characters used to live in the real world, but now they're stuck in this little town in New York. The girls have to help keep the peace and become detectives."

Henry scrunched up his face then shook his head.

Emma wandered over to the other side of the room since her opinion wasn't wanted. She read the back of a few books, but didn't find anything particularly interesting. Henry called her over. He was ready to pay for the books.

Emma made to reshelve a copy of _The Thirteenth Tale_, but a small notecard fluttered to the ground. She snatched up the card and flipped it over. There was a single word on it in block letters.

_Saudade._

Henry called again. Emma shoved the book back onto the shelf and jammed the card in her pocket. They paid for the books then made their way to the youth department. Henry went to the book displays first.

Emma sat in a chair and pulled the notecard and her phone from her pocket. She Googled the word 'saudade.' It appeared the word was Portuguese. A Wikipedia entry came up near the top of her search. She clicked on it and started reading. The air froze in her lungs. Phrases jumped out at Emma as she read.

_…a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves…_

_…it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing may never return…_

_…"the love that remains" after someone is gone._

Tears pricked at the corners of Emma's eyes. She willed them away. There was no way she was crying in the middle of the public library.

It was so strange though to feel like she now had a name for the awful feeling she got sometimes. Emma assumed she was feeling it about the parents who abandoned her. She couldn't figure out why the word made her think of the sea and the smell of leather though.

* * *

Killian pulled the Jolly Roger into port. He secured the boat to the dock. His body nearly collapsed in on itself as he checked the knot one last time. He tossed a coin to a dock worker. He hadn't had time to pack a rucksack. The only items in his possession were the papers for the Jolly Roger, a shirt that had been Emma's, the vial of memory potion, his fake hand, and several gold coins.

Exhaustion was setting in. Hook had driven the Jolly Roger hard and fast to evade the new curse then sailed all the way to the Outer Isles. He was finally at the shop Kipper, a dealer of rare and magical items, ran. The shop was brimming with items both large and small that contained powerful bursts of magic. It looked a lot like a junk shop, but Killian knew better.

"Please tell me you're handing that beautiful boat over to me."

Kipper had snuck up from behind Killian. He was dressed in a leather apron and had a pair of goggles on.

"Aye, if you still have that magic bean to trade."

Kipper rubbed his hands together gleefully. He moved quickly and assuredly through the piles of stuff toward his office. Killian swapped out his hook for his false hand. Kipper found the magic bean quickly and brought it out to Killian.

"Would you happen to also be in possession of a locator potion? I need to find someone once I go through the portal."

Kipper seemed to think for a moment. He decided to throw the potion in with the bean seeing as the Jolly Roger was such a good find. The two men took care of the paperwork quickly.

Killian practically sprinted out of the shop when they were done. His heart was pounding fast, about to beat out of his chest with anticipation. It had been a long year without her, which was funny considering he'd spent less than a year with her.

Killian dropped the bean in the ground and thought about New York. He willed the portal to take him there before jumping in. The magic swirled around him. It sucked all of the air from him lungs, leaving him gasping for air when he hit solid ground again.

He fell onto his knees. It took a few moments for him to regain control of his breathing. Once he did, Killian took in his surroundings. There was a large fountain and a sign that 'Central Park Zoo' in large letters.

He was in New York.

Now what?

Killian was absolutely drained. Every fiber of his being screamed at him to find Emma, but he knew he would have to wait until the next day. It was already late afternoon and he didn't know how far away she lived. Plus, Emma wasn't likely to drink the memory potion willingly. He would need to rest up for this.

How would he find a local inn though?

Killian thought back to his last trip to New York. He figured it was worth a shot to find Neal's apartment and stay there. He remembered it was on Wooster something or other and that there was an eating establishment called Stromboli's nearby. He asked strangers on the street for instructions. Many told him to use the Subway, but Killian wasn't awake enough to figure that out. He concocted a tale about how he was afraid of dark spaces.

Just before nightfall he arrived at Neal's place. He assumed Neal owned the place instead of renting since it had gone untouched for the past year. It was easy to break in. Killian took a shower and got a glass of water. He climbed into bed and fell asleep dreaming of green eyes and glimmering, blonde hair.

* * *

It didn't take long for Killian to find Emma's place. He used a little of the locator potion and it led him right to her apartment door. Her neighbor happened to be exiting and he told her who he was visiting. She let him in right away.

The whole way over he planned out what he was going to say. He knew he needed to be direct, but slow enough to allow Emma to digest things. He stared at her door. Thirty seconds and he would be reunited with her. He knocked once. He tried knocking again when she didn't answer. Killian went to knock again when the door whooshed open.

"Swan."

There she was, bed rumpled and in her pajamas, but never more beautiful. Absolute joy filled Killian's heart, overflowing to the point where he forgot everything he needed to say.

"At last."

He moved toward her, not remembering entirely that she had forgotten him. Emma held her hand up.

"Whoa, do I know you?"

Killian's heart sank a moment. He pleaded with her, trying to make her remember.

"Look I need your help. Something's happened, something terrible. Your family is in trouble."

Emma frowned slightly. Her lie detector wasn't going off, but this guy wasn't making any sense.

"My family's right here. Who're you?"

Her sharp voice cut Killian to the bone. He needs her to remember now. It killed him that she didn't know him and worse, didn't trust him.

"An old friend. I know you can't remember me, but I can make you."

There's only one surefire way to break any curse. Killian knew it was probably a risk, but he tried anyway. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that Emma was his True Love. If she reciprocated then he wouldn't need the memory potion.

And they would be together.

His plan failed spectacularly when she kneed him and pushed him toward the wall though.

"What the hell are you doing?"

She sounded slightly breathless as she blinked at him in confusion.

"A longshot. I had to try. I was hoping you felt as I did."

Killian wasn't sure what hurt more: his family jewels or his heart. Emma didn't think he was her True Love. He'd been so sure that she cared for him when the parted.

"All you're going to feel is my handcuffs when I call the cops."

Killian knew now that kissing her had definitely been the wrong tack. Now she would be even less inclined to believe the insane guy who forced himself on her.

"Look I know this seems crazy, but you have to listen to me. You have to remem-"

Emma slammed the door in his face. She needed time to cool down. Killian needed to regroup and come up with a different plan.

Emma could be stubborn, but he crossed worlds for her. He was giving up so easily.

* * *

The man had looked familiar to Emma when she opened the door. She felt like she could recognize him, but his name was just out of her reach. It scared her because he seemed to think he knew her very well.

The look he gave her when she answered the door was so heavy with meaning. He looked absolutely thrilled in a way you could only be after being sad for a long time. It was like she was the sun and he'd been in a cave for days. It was the first time anyone had ever looked at Emma that way.

He seemed so distraught when Emma kept asking who he was.

Then he kissed her and she kneed him on instinct.

It had caught her off guard. Her brain flashed all kinds of warning signs about strangers and getting assaulted. Her knees went weak though, and her gut lit up with butterflies.

She asked him what the hell he was doing, but the question was more directed at herself for enjoying the kiss.

She threatened to call the cops because she was so freaked out. Him kissing her seemed more normal than it should've and that frightened her. She should've done more than just knee him and send him on his merry way.

But something held her back from beating the crap out of him.

Now she was panicking about not panicking. Her breathing ratcheted up as she went back to Henry. It picked up further when she realized the man smelled like sea air and leather.

* * *

**Is the library part a shameless way for me to slip in references to some of my favorite books? Yes. I love the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series by Rick Riordan. The other series I don't mention by name is the Sisters Grimm series by Michael Buckley. Both are vaguely similar to OUAT with the whole 'legendary things are real' business. The other book I mention is ****_The Thirteenth Tale_**** by Diane Setterfield, which is one of my absolute favorites.**

**I love the word 'saudade' and have been trying to work it in for a few chapters. Originally it was going to be an answer in one of Walsh's crossword puzzles or the name of a painting at an art gallery they went to. I didn't want to spend too much time with Walsh so this was how I decided to shoehorn it in.**

**There are a lot of things that are not explained on the show in terms of how Killian finds Emma. I tried to find plausible explanations for how that happened. I hope they work for you.**

**It's obnoxious the number of times I watched scenes from 3x11 and 3x12 for this chapter. I had absolutely no problem with that research though. I'll hit a couple more of their interactions in New York.**

**There won't be a new chapter up until Monday or Tuesday unfortunately :(**


	12. Tipping Point

**Many, many thanks to CuteMcBeauty, spartacusblack, Orchfan, Ztofan, Shelllee24, and moni1028 for reviewing. Also thank you to the rather large number of people who put this story on their alert list after the last update. Seriously, I think 20% of the people on the list joined in the last few days. **

**The dialogue in the last section is all from 3x12. **

* * *

"Two more minutes then I'm letting you fail science!"

Emma shoved a bottle of dyed-red vinegar in Henry's school bag. It jostled against the box of baking soda that was already in there. She tossed a few granola bars in as well so Henry had breakfast.

Henry hopped out of his room, trying to pull on a shoe as he made his way into the kitchen. His hair was still sleep rumpled and chaotic. The buttons on his coat were done up wrong.

"If the sun isn't up, I shouldn't be up either," Henry grumbled.

He grabbed his backpack and papier mache volcano. Emma was taking him to school this morning to help him get set up for the science fair. They would be taking the subway even though Emma had her car. She wasn't sure what traffic would be like so the train would be much more reliable.

Once on the train Henry seemed to wake up more. He ate each of his granola bars in two bites. It was moments like that where Emma dreaded Henry's teenage years. Feeding him would be a nightmare.

A flash of a coat caught Emma's eye. It was long and black. Her head whipped in the direction. The wearer was a willowy girl with her black hair slicked back in a neat bun. The coat looked so much like the one Stalker Pirate was wearing yesterday.

Emma still wasn't sure what to make of him. He hadn't been lying to her, she was sure of that. Something told her he wasn't trying to hurt her. He truly thought she would welcome him kissing her. That was impossible though because they had never met before that day.

Crazy or not, it he showed up at her apartment again she would have to show him what happened when people messed with Emma Swan.

* * *

Killian's rescue mission was off to a terrible start. He had lost all sense of credibility with Emma when he kissed her. It had seemed like a good idea at the time. If she regained her memories from True Love's Kiss, then Henry could use the memory potion. All would be squared away on that front.

Unfortunately for Killian, he wasn't Emma's True Love.

It was time for a new plan. Killian wandered around Neal's apartment in hopes of finding something to help him. Emma didn't do leaps of faith or trust easily. She would need cold, hard facts to sway her to his side.

Killian scored rather quickly. Henry's camera was hidden between the couch cushions. Killian pressed the button that said 'on.' He didn't have much experience with electronic devices, but that seemed like a safe bet. There was a button that said 'play' on it which he hit next. An image of Emma and Henry in front of a Storybrooke sign popped up on screen. Killian stared at the picture for several minutes. A screen came up telling him that the battery was dead. The image faded from view.

A frustrated growl came from his throat. He was so close. This device could've proved things to Emma. Maybe it still could even if its lifeforce had drained away. Handing her his sole piece of evidence would cause her to dismiss it though.

He would ask, not tell, her to come here, discover things for herself. If she was able to investigate things and come to a conclusion that he wasn't crazy then maybe he'd be able to get her to drink the potion. Forcing Emma to do anything would just cause more problems.

Killian painstakingly copied Neal's address from some mail he had lying around. If Emma went to the wrong address because he missed a digit, he would absolutely die.

He bided his time, waiting for nightfall. Emma had a job. She wouldn't be home during the day so he would wait until later to find her. He raided Neal's house for a book to read. He would go crazy without something to distract his mind.

His lips curled into a wry smile as spotted a copy of[ Peter Pan and Wendy[. Killian wasn't sure he was ready to see just how The Land Without Magic viewed him.

_Robinson Crusoe_ seemed like something he would enjoy though. After several hours of half-distracted reading Killian realized that he was hungry. He rooted through the cabinets to find something edible. There was a bag of messy and violently orange snacks that claimed to be made of real cheese. The crunchy things tasted like no cheese Killian had ever had before.

Killian crossed Cheetos off the list of foods in this realm he enjoyed.

What he really wanted was a nice burger and fries from Granny's. He hadn't had a lot of time to enjoy the diner, but he found himself missing that meal.

Killian continued his search. He found a small red can and popped the lid off. Inside was a large wad of green cloth rectangles. They each had the face of an old gentleman and numbers on them.

Upon further inspection Killian discovered that this was the currency of this land. He could pay Neal back with coin once he returned to Storybrooke.

Without a second thought he left the apartment in search of a diner. It wasn't hard to find one. They seemed to be all over the place. Killian walked into a nice looking one and was quickly seated.

He ordered and received his food without much fuss. It seemed that even though no one else dressed like him that New Yorkers didn't think twice about his outfit.

It was completely dark out when Killian exited the diner. He was thankful he had eaten at Granny's prior to this experience. He never would've learned about tipping then. It was very bad form in this realm to not tip your waitress.

Killian navigated his way to Emma's apartment using various buildings as landmarks. He was concentrating so hard that he almost didn't notice her walking down the opposite side of the street. Her blonde hair was down and hard to miss though. She was even wearing a red coat though it wasn't her 'ass-kicking' leather one.

Killian abruptly turned face and walked in the same direction she was. Emma turned into an establishment called Ostria. Killian crossed the street so he could get a better look. Luckily for him, she was seated outside on the patio. There was a dark-haired man across from her. Killian's heart clenched when he noticed how they were looking at each other.

She had found someone new. He would be ripping this happiness from her. Could he do that? Destroy this life she had built here?

_Swan wouldn't want to live a lie though._

The thought flashed through his mind.

He stuck around, trying to fit in. The black leather made that easier than he was expecting. The man got up and went inside the restaurant. Killian took his opening and sat down across from Emma.

He knew he had seconds, heartbeats, until Emma caused a scene. He would have to get through to her very quickly or risk losing her forever.

"You-"

Not the best reaction. Killian held up his arms in defense.

"I can explain."

"-are a stalker," Emma finished her sentence.

"Don't scream, just hear me out."

Emma set down her phone with terribly feigned nonchalance and moved her hand near her knife. That explanation would have to happen fast or Killian feared he might lose his other hand.

"I don't do this very often so treasure it, love. I've come to apologize."

Killian screwed his face up. The words were not easy to say for him. Emma eyed him suspiciously and grabbed her knife.

"For trying to kiss me?"

Killian groaned internally. He was never going to live that mistake down. Never mind that last time they kissed it had been Emma who had initiated it.

"I was simply trying to jog your memory."

That was clearly the wrong thing to say. The fire dialed up in her eyes.

"It's time for you to go. Now."

Time for a last ditch effort.

"Emma, your parents are in great danger."

Her face fell at that. Killian knew she was thinking about how she didn't have parents.

"You really don't know what you're talking about."

The fight had gone out of her. It was replaced by the sad resignation Killian saw when she talked about being a lost girl.

"Because you think you're an orphan? 'Cause that's haunted you your whole life. Well I'm here to tell you everything you believe is wrong."

Killian hadn't made things better, but she seemed slightly less inclined to get rid of him.

"You don't know me."

"Alas, I know you better than you know yourself." Killian reached into his pocket. "I have proof. Take a gander. It's an address. If you want to know who you really are, who your parents are. Go there."

"Leave. Now."

Emma looked toward the restaurant, worried Walsh would see Stalker Pirate. Something about this guy had her almost trusting him, which was dangerous. He was deranged and her sense of judgment was definitely impaired. Her walls were slamming right up. If he was crazy, she wanted no part of this. If he wasn't, which was impossible, there was no way she was meeting her parents.

"You've been there before, a year ago. You just don't remember."

"A year ago I was in Boston until a fire destroyed my apartment and I moved to New York to have a fresh start with my son."

Emma wasn't sure why she was explaining herself to Stalker Pirate. Maybe sense would cause him to leave her alone.

"Regina really did a number on you."

Maybe sense wouldn't work. It was time for Emma to get nasty.

"You're a crazy person. Or a liar. Or both."

"I prefer dashing rapscallion." Killian arched an eyebrow. "Scoundrel."

Emma felt like the more she got angry with Stalker Pirate, the more ridiculous he became.

"Give me one good reason not to punch you in the face."

"You really don't believe me? Try using your superpower. Yep. I know about that. Use it. See that I'm telling the truth."

Emma didn't need her superpower to see how earnest he was. That meant nothing though.

"Just because you believe something is true does not make it real."

That was a hard lesson she'd learned on the job. The truth and what people thought was true were two very different things at times.

"Maybe, maybe not, but I know you, Swan. You sense something is off. Go to that address. Take a chance and you'll want to talk. When you do, I'll be in Central Park at the entrance to the zoo. Don't do it for me or you. Do it for your family. They need your help."

Stalker Pirate left Emma feeling confused. She didn't really think he knew about her parents, but she was curious about this address. She wanted to know what his so-called proof was.

Emma stared at the paper trying to discern whether she had ever been there or not. Walsh rejoined her so she shoved the paper into her pocket.

She just wanted to go back to the nice dinner she had been having with Walsh. No drama.

That wasn't in the cards though.

* * *

**Next chapter will be the fallout of the proposal. I'm hoping to get it posted by Friday. **

**Thank you again for reading!**


	13. Bologna

**Thanks to everyone who favorite/followed/read the last chapter. I really appreciate it.**

**This chapter is for moni1028 who wanted to see why Emma got the photos developed and the bologna torture.**

* * *

Emma slid into her bed and stared at the ceiling. So much had happened that night and she was still trying to process it all. Walsh wanted to marry her. Henry was pushing her toward that. Stalker Pirate was still hanging around.

Emma loved Walsh. He made her happy. He was the anti-Neal. Henry enjoyed having him around. He made their lives better, but did that mean Emma should marry him? They hadn't even known each other a year. It all seemed to be going so fast. Henry was on board, but he was twelve. Was he really the best person to help her make life-altering decisions? She wanted to know if he would be okay with her choice, but ultimately that was hers to make.

Stalker Pirate wasn't helping matters. He was leaving Emma with all of these questions about her parents. She hadn't thought about them this much in months, hadn't given them this much power over her thoughts. What if he was telling her the actual truth, not just what he believed to be true? If he knew her parents, then she wanted to pursue that. They had left a gaping hole in her heart and piles of questions that could never be answered. This closure would be helpful for Emma. It would allow her to move on.

There was something so familiar about Stalker Pirate. Had he been in a home with Emma when she was younger? She couldn't recall any British kids, but maybe he had been adopted and moved across the pond. Her gut told her to trust him even though his leather getup and uninvited kissing made her not want to. She would always wonder about him if she didn't go to the address he provided.

The thing that troubled Emma most about this situation was that she usually ran when she was in trouble. Sometimes it felt like she was choosing one thing to escape the other.

So what was she more afraid of: Walsh's proposal or all that Stalker Pirate was offering her?

* * *

Emma clutched the camera to her chest. Her hands were shaking violently. There was no way she was dropping her find. She had attempted to turn the camera on while she was still at Neal's apartment. The battery was dead though. Emma hadn't wanted to stick around long enough to find a cable or batteries for it.

She would stop at the drugstore to get the photos developed. They had a memory card reader that would allow her to print everything on the camera. She wasn't even sure there was anything on the camera. It could be a gift from Neal to Henry. The thought made Emma's stomach roll. She didn't want Neal in Henry's life. They were doing fine without him. He would shatter all of the hard work Emma had put in over the years.

This incident further cemented her feelings for Walsh. He was so safe and so normal. That was what Emma needed in her life. That was what Emma needed to be able to provide for Henry.

The drugstore was on her way to Central Park so she went there first. It took a little while to develop photos and she would rather have them going while she confronted Stalker Pirate. The girl behind the counter was fairly unhelpful. The kiosk she usually used was broken. The employee shrugged and told her that she could print the photos without letting Emma view them first. Emma handed over the memory card and agreed to that. She asked that the employee print only the most recent hundred photos on the card. That should be enough to figure out what was going on.

She had an hour until the photos would be ready. That should be enough time to confront Stalker Pirate and pick Henry up from school.

Emma found two policemen patrolling near the entrance of the zoo. She asked them to stand by in case Stalker Pirate got out of hand. She wanted to confront him before he got locked up.

It was hard to tamp down the guilt Emma felt when he spotted her. He was genuinely elated to see her. Emma had to focus on her anger that he was in cahoots with Neal in order to carry out what she needed to do.

Put this man somewhere where he couldn't harm her or Henry.

* * *

Killian couldn't believe what had just happened. Emma left him at the mercy of her realm's law enforcement. They took him to their brig and made him answer all sorts of questions. There was a strange machine that flashed lights that Killian had to place each of his five fingers on. The guard said something about taking his fingerprints, but Killian wasn't sure how it worked. His false hand was confiscated along with his hook and reading material.

A rather tall man with a shock of blonde curls was in the cell adjacent to Killian. He introduced himself as 'Shortstack' which Killian assumed was an ironic nickname. This Shortstack was in for public urination, which confused Killian. He had spent little time in this realm, but was aware of that social convention. It seemed odd that someone would break such an easy to keep rule.

Shortstack was halfway through his tale of how he ended up in the brig when a guard brought in two trays. They each contained a sandwich and pile of carrot sticks. Killian took his plate enthusiastically. Sandwiches were popular in inns where he was from. He couldn't imagine what filling they would have. He was quite partial to roasted wildebeest or fried sea serpent.

The meat on this sandwich was like none Killian had ever seen before. It was spongy and pink. It had a strange odor to it that made Killian question whether it truly was a kind of meat.

"What is this?" he asked Shortstack, who had already downed his sandwich.

"Bologna."

Killian stared at the sandwich some more.

"Try it. It's really good."

"What kind of animal does it come from?"

"No one really knows. Don't think about that."

Supremely uncomforted by that information, Killian took a small bite. He hated everything about this so-called 'bologna.' The texture and taste were both foul. That was saying something considering Killian had eaten all manner of strange creatures including dragons, chimera, and mongooses.

Killian ate the entire stack of carrot sticks, but left the rest of his sandwich untouched. Shortstack must either lack a sense of taste or he visited this brig often. The latter was probably the case given that he seemed to enjoy relieving himself in public.

The guard came back to collect their trays. He noticed that Killian's sandwich still remained on his tray.

"You have to finish it."

Killian raised an eyebrow. He found it highly irregular that he would be forced to eat here. Most prisons withheld food from their prisoners. If they were given food it was moldy bread accompanied with brackish water. Having tasted bologna, he could understand where eating it might be more of a punishment than going hungry.

"I'm serious. You have to finish the sandwich."

Killian picked it up and sniffed the offending item again. The smell hadn't improved in the last fifteen minutes. He took a large bite, hoping that he could choke it down quicker that way. Killian managed to barely chew the sandwich and swallow it quickly. His mouth was coated with the flavor of bologna, but he managed to keep himself from expelling the contents of his stomach.

Another guard approached as Killian handed over his tray.

"Jones, Ms. Swan is dropping all charges. You're free to go."

Killian's face fell. If he had held out another ten minutes he wouldn't have had to eat the bologna.

That woman owed him a very large bottle of rum.

* * *

Mary Margaret's face lit up as her husband walked through their apartment door. It instantly fell as she saw his face.

"No luck?" She asked already knowing the answer.

David shook his head. "No one has seen Neal either though so maybe he's gone after her."

Mary Margaret nodded. It made sense. He would want to collect Henry as well so they could start fixing their little family. Plus, he had lived outside of Storybrooke for years.

"It's so hard staying here cooped up. I want to search the town with you or leave to see where they ended up this last year."

"With all of the disappearances it would be best for you to rest here."

Mary Margaret narrowed her eyes. She didn't remember much of this pregnancy, but David had been just as overprotective during her first.

It was hard knowing that Emma was out there with no memory of them. Mary Margaret thought over the last moment she had shared with her daughter. She paused for a moment, brow furrowing as she thought of something.

"Has Hook been spotted?"

David snorted. "Not by me, but I wasn't looking that hard for him."

"Maybe he's gone after Emma," Mary Margaret suggested.

"I doubt that."

"I don't know. He seemed awfully serious about her while we were in Neverland and before she left. I think he cares enough to at least attempt finding her."

"You think he's worthy of her?" David asked.

Mary Margaret shrugged. "He isn't my first choice, but my opinion isn't the one that counts. Emma can make her own decision about that. Hook did save your life."

David made a noise that Mary Margaret interpreted as 'don't remind me.' He settled down on the couch next to his wife and slung his arm around her shoulder. David pressed a light kiss to her temple and thought about how nice it would be once his family was all together again.

* * *

**This is the penultimate chapter. Only one more to go! Things will end with them arriving in Storybrooke. If there's anything you wanted me to cover, let me know :)**

**The fingerprint machine they use on Killian is based on the one my police department has. It scans pictures of your fingers and puts them into the computer. It's super cool. I had to get mine taken for work, not because I got into any trouble with the law :) Speaking of, I don't think they force you to finish your sandwiches in jail, but I figured that would be the best way to force feed him bologna.**


	14. Back to Storybrooke

**Ah! It's the final chapter!** **It feels good to complete a story.**

**Huge thank you to moni1028 (who prompted for some car ride talks and a post flying monkey talk), Orchfan, and spartacusblack for reviewing. Thank you to all of you who favorited/followed.**

**Thank YOU (yes, you) for sticking with me until the end. It means the world to me.**

* * *

Emma staggered back. The weight of her newly restored memories pressed heavily on her mind. How was she supposed to deal with this? She had this entire other life she forgot about. Which path was the right one to take?

"Swan."

Killian stepped forward. The hope in his eyes damn near killed Emma. She'd forgotten him and he'd done who knows what to travel across realms to find her. How would he take the news that she was almost engaged? It was clear that their time apart had not caused his feelings to fade. If Emma weren't so distraught, she might feel a little pleased at that.

"I can't do this right now," she mumbled.

Emma turned around and walked toward her apartment. She knew Killian would follow her. She was counting on it. She just needed some time to process things before they talked.

She also needed some alcohol.

At the first opportunity Emma turned into a liquor store. She called over her shoulder for Killian to remain outside. She returned shortly with a large bottle of spiced rum, Killian's favorite, wrapped in brown paper. Killian stumbled as Emma shoved the rum into his hands.

"So we're celebrating?"

The roguish smirk was back. Killian was putting up a good front, but Emma could see the cracks. This was hurting him.

Emma was hurting him.

That raw pain she saw earlier was what made her drink that stupid potion. She was halfway there already, but the look on his face when he mentioned a love in her former life was what did her in. He was so vulnerable and on some level she knew that he was talking about himself.

A memory flared up. When Killian kissed her that first time, he wasn't being a total creep. He was trying to get her to remember. Why he thought that would work made little sense to Emma.

_A longshot. I had to try. I was hoping you felt as I did._

Emma stopped in her tracks. Her heart boomeranged around in her chest, unsure whether to sink or float. Killian thought that they were each other's True Love. The idea terrified Emma. That was a very big deal and she wouldn't handle it well.

She glanced over at him. He was keeping her pace though he occasionally ducked behind her when the sidewalk became too crowded.

Killian was watching her.

He was doing it to make sure they stayed together, of course, but he was also observing her. His face once again had that longing, hopeful cast to it. Killian noticed the slight furrowing of Emma's eyebrows and schooled his face into a mask of indifference. He knew he was making her uncomfortable so he hid his feelings.

Emma's heart clenched at that. She had so much else to think about that she couldn't focus on him right now. Their togetherness was not the priority. Henry, her parents, and the residents of Storybrooke were and would continue to be. It wasn't fair to him.

Emma dug her keys out of her pocket as they entered her apartment building. They walked into the elevator in silence. Killian stared at the rows of buttons near the door.

"I need some time," Emma whispered. "This is a lot to wrap my head around."

Killian nodded. He took a step forward and looked Emma square in the eye.

"Take all the time you need," he said softly.

Emma closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The doors to the elevator opened. She exhaled loudly and stepped out.

This was going to be an extremely difficult conversation.

* * *

Emma watched as another part of her New York life disintegrated before her eyes.

Killian looked to Emma for more of an explanation of what happened. She went from dragging her heels to leaving as soon as possible in one fell swoop.

"Walsh is a flying monkey. He tried to kill me. Even in this life I have poor judgment when it comes to men."

Killian made to move closer, but thought better of it before he touched Emma. There was nothing he wanted more than to sweep her up in his arms and reassure himself that she was okay. He knew that wouldn't be well received.

"I shall return to Neal's residence then."

Emma frowned.

"I won't have any way to contact you then. Grab your stuff and come back tonight. That way we can get an early start."

"I don't have anything there. I didn't exactly pack for this journey."

Emma's throat tightened up. It was just another reminder of how hard he had fought to get here.

"Just stay at our place. You can have my bed."

Killian raised an eyebrow.

"And where would you be sleeping?"

Emma shrugged. "The couch."

"It seems bad form to force a lady from her bed. I'm sure your couch will accommodate me."

"It's worse form for my twelve year old to come home and think some pirate stayed over right after I broke up with Walsh."

Emma's tone stopped any further protests from Killian. They made their way downstairs and into the apartment. Emma found a pair of sweatpants for Killian to wear. They were huge on Emma so she figured they would fit him. She grabbed her favorite plaid pajamas and went to the bathroom to change and brush her teeth.

Emma walked out of the bathroom and stopped short. Killian was drinking a glass of water in her kitchen.

Shirtless.

She shouldn't be surprised. She hadn't given him a shirt so why would he be wearing one. It was a pleasantly confusing site though. Killian was lean, yet muscular. Emma remembered how much effort went into sailing a ship and using a cutlass. He looked like he belonged in her kitchen like that. It was a dangerous thought. Emma would need to put her blinders up full force once they were back in Storybrooke.

She quickly informed him that she was done in the bathroom and that she was going to bed. Killian's knowing smile told her that her appraisal of his body had not gone unnoticed.

Staying away from him was going to be harder than Emma thought.

* * *

"Wake up," a voice hissed near Killian's ear.

He swatted at the air. He had been in the middle of a great dream. His voyage to find Emma had gone successfully. Her gratitude for reuniting her with her family had led to a tangle of sheets and declarations of love. Killian wasn't ready to let go of that feeling just yet. His dream was so tangible he could smell her perfume.

"Henry is here. Get dressed. I'll be back in fifteen minutes."

It finally registered that Swan was the one waking him up. Killian stared up at her. She was no longer in the cute pajamas from the night before. She was fully dressed and made up for the day.

There was nothing Killian wanted more than to pull her into bed and sleep a little longer.

Or pull her into bed and not sleep.

The stern look in Emma's eyes prevented him from doing so. Even if they had all the time in the world, Killian didn't think that his attentions would be well received.

Emma ran out of the room when Henry called out for her. She shut the door behind her. Killian took a moment to look over Emma's room as he woke up fully. There was a set of bags near the door. She must've packed those while he was asleep.

Killian quickly dressed and waited for Emma to return. His face lit up when she did. It was still hard for him to believe that she was near and remembered him again.

She wasn't his yet, but now there was hope that she would be some day.

* * *

"Hey I gotta go inside to pay. Do you want any snacks while I'm in there?"

Killian looked contemplative for a moment.

"Not Cheetos."

Emma shot him a look that he figured meant she was amused at his request. Henry was still in the backseat sleeping so Emma went into the gas station alone. Killian leaned back in the seat and closed his eyes.

"Okay, Mom's gone. I've got some questions for you."

Killian smiled. The boy had been feigning sleep so his mother would leave them alone. He was quite clever for his age.

"What's with the get-up?" Henry motioned toward Killian's clothing.

"I haven't seen your mother in quite some time and worried that she wouldn't recognize me. I thought this would help."

"You're and old friend of my mom's, but you said 'still' earlier, like we've met. I don't know you though."

Killian hoped Emma didn't hate him for lying to the boy.

"You wouldn't remember. You were much younger."

"So you knew me when I was a baby. Does that mean you _knew_ my dad?"

On the surface, the question seemed innocent enough, but the emphasis Henry placed on it tipped Killian off.

"I'm not your father, if that's what you're getting at. I did know him though. We were friends before he met your mother. By chance, I met her much later, but didn't realize they knew each other."

Henry nodded.

"So did you two date?"

"No."

"But you're in love with her," Henry stated like a fact.

"That's irrelevant."

"Not to me, not to Walsh."

"Full of difficult questions, aren't you?"

"I've got at max seven minutes to grill you. I'm using my time wisely."

"I didn't break up your mother and Walsh. The timing of that is a bit coincidental, but your mother chose to end it because of Walsh, not me. I would never interfere with her chance at happiness. Past that, you'll have to ask her."

Henry assessed Killian for a moment before smiling.

"I believe you."

"Inherited your mother's superpower?"

"What are we doing in Maine?" Henry fired back.

The car door opened and Emma dropped into her seat. She handed the plastic bag she was carrying to Henry. Killian watched as the boy pulled out snacks one by one. There were bags of mixed nuts, beef jerky, pretzels, and other odds and ends.

"I tried to get stuff you might be familiar with," Emma said, intentionally focused on starting the car instead of on Killian's face.

If she had looked she would've seen how touched he was. She picked things that one might find in his realm.

"Do they not have Cheetos where you live?" Henry asked.

"No."

Henry shook his head. "England's missing out."

Killian wasn't sure where this England was and why Henry thought he was from there, but he wouldn't wish Cheetos on the people of that land.

* * *

Killian sat in the Beetle reading a book he had swiped from Neal's place. Henry was still asleep in the backseat when Emma returned.

"They're meeting us at Granny's. We can both get rooms there for the night."

"I can get Henry to bed while you talk with your parents," Killian offered. He wasn't sure Emma wanted him around for her planning session.

Emma looked at him like he was crazy. "You're coming with me. You have a lot of answers I don't."

Killian smiled. It was nice to know she wanted him around.

Emma drove them up the road to Granny's. She woke up Henry. He sleepily made his way into the bed and breakfast with Emma. She would get their room and take him upstairs. Killian grabbed the luggage since Emma was busy with her son.

Killian entered Emma's room. She was leaning on the nightstand near Henry's bed. He had already started snoring lightly. She gave him a kiss on the forehead and turned off the lamp. Killian set the luggage down just inside the door.

"Thanks. I'm just going to sit with him a minute."

Killian turned to leave, then stopped.

"I'm here for you. For however long you need me, in whatever capacity _you _want me, I'll be around to help you."

His voice was steady, but soft. The words barely made it to Emma's ears, but they stunned her nevertheless. Killian walked out before he started spouting off all the reasons he was willing to wait for her.

He set off down the stairs. He could hear the Snow and Charming talking in the living room.

"I still can't believe Hook was the one who found her," Charming grumbled.

"I told you he would."

Snow's absolute conviction warmed Killian's heart. She trusted him to be a hero for Emma and remind her of her home. At least one of the Charming parents thought that he was good enough for their daughter.

It wasn't much, but it was a start.

* * *

**This seemed like the best place to end this particular fic. I hadn't even planned to go past Emma's NY year or have Killian in it at all so that just goes to show you how much reader input can impact stories. My reviewers have been so fantastic and supportive. It is one of the best feelings in the world to get a positive note on a story. I know it takes time for you all to write them, particularly the long, thoughtful ones. I truly appreciate all of the ones I've received.**

**I have a couple of other stories (one canon and one AU) in the pipeline. I'm outlining and trying to get a couple of chapters prewritten for shorter update waits. Add me to your author alert list if you'd like to get notified when I finally post something new. My goal is August 1 :)**


	15. Kissing

**Great big thanks to CuteMcBeauty, Orchfan, Ztofan, moni1028, fox24, spartacusblack, cokeerr, and greysanatomiac007 for their reviews. Also, many thanks to everyone who favorited and followed.**

**I really didn't think I would write another chapter for this story, but I saw the finale again and wanted to write some stuff that took place at the end of it. ****Plus, it was terrible of me to end things without kissing so this should rectify that ;)**

* * *

Emma drew back slightly in her chair. It was cold on the patio outside of Granny's Diner. She had lost feeling in her ears and nose long ago.

But her mouth, oh her mouth was on fire. All the blood in her body had migrated there. Her lips were so used to the warmth now that she just had to press them back against Killian the moment the cold air got between them.

Breathing was becoming a problem though. Between the cold and the sheer joy she was finding it hard to draw oxygen.

Emma rested her forehead against Killian's. "That was…"

Her voice trailed off as she cast around for the right word. The way his thumb was drawing circles on her cheek made it hard to think.

"Not a one-time thing?" Killian asked with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

There was a fair amount of levity in his voice, but Emma could detect a thread of uncertainty running through it. He wasn't sure if she was going to run again.

Emma laughed."I was going to say really, really nice."

Killian scoffed. "That's your descriptor of choice? Nice? There are a vast number of words that I believe more accurately delineate things."

"Like what?" Emma challenged.

Killian pulled her close and placed a kiss behind her ear. "Thrilling."

Emma's eyelids fluttered shut as he moved down her neck with his mouth, alternately trailing words and kisses down toward her collarbone.

"Exhilarating. Mind-blowing. Electrifying."

Emma's felt her lungs hitch.

"Breathtaking," Killian continued with a smirk.

Emma pulled him back to her mouth and kissed him soundly.

"Intoxicating." Killian drew out each syllable, emphasizing the harsh consonants of the word.

Emma arched an eyebrow. "Teasing."

Killian moved back in to kiss her slowly, yet thoroughly. He took his time exploring every corner of her mouth. His fingers knotted in Emma's hair. When he pulled back a moment later he looked just as dazed as Emma felt.

"Awesome?" Emma offered.

Killian laughed silently. "I'll take it."

Emma moved back slightly so she could see his face better. Her heart flooded with pride at seeing the wide smile she'd caused.

Killian's eyes flicked quickly over toward the diner. He stiffened slightly as he stared at the door. His hand disentangled itself from Emma's hair.

He coughed and scratched just behind his ear. "As thoroughly enjoyable as this has been, I believe we should return to your brother's party."

Emma frowned at how quickly his entire demeanor had changed. What had caused this sudden 180?

"If that's what you want," Emma shrugged though she was feeling anything but unaffected.

Killian pressed his lips together, preparing for something difficult. The crinkle of his eyes and set of his jaw told Emma that she probably didn't want to hear what he had to say.

"Your father was just at the door to Granny's."

Emma's worries evaporated as she noticed that the red spreading across Killian's face was not from the cold. His embarrassment was adorable.

"And he saw us," she finished for him.

Killian played with the cuff of his hook. "Aye. He gestured like he was going to draw his sword, then smiled and went inside. It was terrifying."

Emma buried her face in her hands. She had a bad feeling that David was going to go overboard because he hadn't been able to scare guys away from Emma before. It would be ridiculous for a while, but it was nothing they couldn't handle after dragons, Peter Pan, and the Wicked Witch.

"Pull it off like a bandage. If we don't go now, it'll just get worse," Emma said. Let David have his fun and then they could go have theirs.

The pair made their way to the door. Emma initially made the mistake of standing on Killian's left side. She went to hold his hand and frowned when she was met with metal and leather, no skin. Killian noticed her dismay and moved to take her left hand in his right.

They entered the diner. Emma's eyes immediately landed on her parents. They were in the farthest booth, both facing the door. David was holding baby Neal. Mary Margaret's face lit up when she saw Emma. The look on her face was very unexpected. Between her expression and the thumps up she flashed Emma, it seemed like she was heartbeats away from pulling Emma into the bathroom to spill all the details.

David being overprotective was one thing. Mary Margaret's enthusiasm was a whole other animal.

"Let's go sit with Marian," Emma suggested, pulling a confused Killian toward the bar and away from her parents.

* * *

David turned away from the door. He had gone to find Emma, but she was currently occupied.

With Hook's mouth.

It was hard for David to compute. He liked Hook as a person. They could potentially be friends or drinking buddies. Now he was making out with David's daughter and it felt a little weird. Now Hook would be Emma's boyfriend before he was David's buddy.

It was that friendship that made him mess with Hook's head a little. He thought it would be funny to go for his sword. If he truly was displeased, he would've interrupted them.

Not that Hook needed to know that right away.

A lot of little things prevented David from going out there and ruining the moment. His discussion with Prince Charles all those years ago was suddenly cast in a new light. Knowing that he was speaking with Hook completely turned that conversation inside out. David now knew exactly how that man felt for his daughter. Even if he hadn't heard it straight from the horse's mouth all those years ago, there was no trace of artifice in Hook's face right now. His beaming smile and the way his eyes followed Emma said it all. This was what he looked like when he was allowed to love her.

Well, that was what he looked like before David messed around with him.

What really sealed the deal for David was Emma's face. He rarely saw her so genuinely happy. The way she looked at him, how unguarded she looked, made David think that this could be True Love.

The only hurdle was going to be Mary Margaret. While she had warmed up to Hook significantly, David didn't know if she would accept that relationship.

Henry's opinion mattered, but he was Team Killian even before he set foot in Storybrooke. Every chance he was alone with David the boy asked about Emma's relationship with the pirate. Now that he had his memories back he was more sure than ever about them dating.

David slid next to Mary Margaret in their booth. She beamed at him, then handed over Neal. She fussed over how he was tucked into his blanket. She leaned back and looked at her two boys with a content look on her face.

"Where's Henry?" David asked, nodding toward the half empty cup of cocoa across from him.

Mary Margaret gestured absently toward the bathrooms. "Calling Regina to see where she is. Did you find Emma?"

David cuddled Neal a bit closer as he thought about the best way to break the news to Mary Margaret. Neal would help dispel all of her anger. She seemed physically unable to be mad when he was around. One look at him, and Mary Margaret couldn't help but smile.

"She's outside with Hook." David paused to gather his words. "I think they're _together_."

A tiny indent appeared between Mary Margaret's eyebrows. She cocked her head to the side. "Did she say something to you?"

"I saw them kissing," David admitted.

Mary Margaret's eyes widened. "Oh."

David shifted Neal so the boy's head rested higher on his shoulder. "Listen, I've been thinking about it and I think that they might be good for each other. I know you're not a fan of Hook's but I think he would surprise you in a good way if you gave him a chance."

One corner of Mary Margaret's mouth tilted up. "That's a lot of thinking."

"Yes. It's just that I know that we've gone back and forth about whether we can trust him, but I had a conversation with him when he went back in time. He told me about how in love he was and how she changed his life. He made me believe in love again and that conversation was a big part of why I went after you."

Mary Margaret's eyes crinkled around the edges as though she was laughing to herself. "I've just been putting up a front because I thought you hated him. I'm actually quite fond of Killian."

The subjects of their conversation entered the diner just then. Killian nodded formally at the Charming parents. He carried himself stiffly as though steeling himself for something. Emma looked embarrassed, but so happy. Mary Margaret's smile grew wider at the sight of their linked fingers. She gave her daughter a thumbs up to let her know that she approved of her choice. Emma's face scrunched up. She moved her hand to Killian's forearm and pulled him over toward the end of the counter.

"What was that?" Mary Margaret huffed.

David shrugged and adjusted the baby. "Who knows?"

Mary Margaret peered over his shoulder to look at their son. "Your sister is being ridiculous. She's just delaying the inevitable."

Henry returned to the table and slid into his spot. He drained the last of his hot cocoa in one gulp.

"Mom's almost here. Robin Hood, her boyfriend, is coming too," Henry informed them.

David raised an eyebrow. "We know who Robin is."

Henry smiled impishly. "I just like reminding people that my mom is dating Robin Hood. It's so cool."

"Well your other mom is dating Captain Hook," Mary Margaret pointed out, practically vibrating with excitement.

Henry looked around and found his mom and Killian sitting at the end of the counter. They were both smiling. He noticed the not at all subtle glances they kept casting at each other.

Henry leaned forward in anticipation. "When did this happen?"

Mary Margaret mirrored his pose. "Your grandfather saw them kissing outside."

"No way!" Henry studied his mother again.

"Yes way!"

Mary Margaret laughed. She was feeling better than she had in months. Her family was healthy and reunited. There was no immediate threat to their safety. Life was finally throwing them a break so they could just enjoy each other for a bit.

As Regina entered the diner with Robin and Roland, Mary Margaret let out a sigh. It was time to be a family again.

* * *

Regina felt her heart stop at the sight of Robin and Marian hugging. It then started back up again, beating in double time to process all of the hurt and anger she felt. She lashed out at Emma because it was easy to blame her. Snow and her daughter had ripped away both of her loves by doing something supposedly noble. Regina was tired of paying the price for their need to be heroes.

Robin was her second chance at a happy ending. Tinker Bell and her pixie dust told Regina that he would be her True Love if they met. Robin had said it was capital letter Fate or Destiny that led them to each other. Maybe it had, but then Emma had brought back his wife.

Regina couldn't stand being in the diner anymore. She was torn between wanting to do some serious damage and sob uncontrollably. Neither option would be a good idea with so many townspeople around. She hurried out the door, straightening her posture so no one would know how she was crumbling on the inside. She had a town to run and weakness was not an option.

Being with Robin had been magical though. He saw past all of her prior misdeeds and focused on the woman she was now. He was romantic and sweet, but he would stand up to her and challenge her. He had been so supportive when Henry didn't remember her. Plus, his kisses made her weak in the knees.

They said all magic came with a price. Maybe this was hers. She got to experience being loved so purely, so thoroughly, but now she had to watch him with another woman. Regina used to think that nothing was worse than never knowing what would've happened with Daniel. She now knew that seeing what could've happened with Robin was worse. Robin and Marian would be out and about Storybrooke. Regina would have to witness their love for each other. It would be impossible to avoid them.

Footsteps broke her from her reverie.

"Mom," Henry called out.

Regina's vision blurred slightly with tears. The fuzzy blob that was Henry jogged to catch up. He threw his arms around Regina and held her tight.

"It'll be okay," Henry said simply. He was the True Believer and that's what he did: believe.

Regina dropped a kiss on her son's head. "I hope so."

Henry looked up at her. "Can we go home and make an apple pie?"

Regina almost laughed, but her heart was too sore to allow that. "Sure."

"When I was in New York I tried the apple pie at every diner I could, but none of them were as good as yours."

Regina attempted a smile. "Of course. Now tell me more about this missing year of yours."

* * *

Emma felt sick to her stomach every time she looked over at Robin and Marian. He looked bewildered, but elated. Marian couldn't stop touching Roland and Robin. She fiddled with Roland's hair, rested her hand on Robin's knee. They were behind her as she sat with Killian at the counter, but she couldn't resist glancing at them.

Killian leaned over and spoke softly near Emma's ear. "Despite opinions to the contrary, you did a good thing."

Emma pulled back as though burned. "By destroying Regina's happiness?"

Killian shook his head emphatically. "On the flip side of that coin you reunited a family. You gave back a mother to her son. Is that not a good thing?"

Emma considered his words for a moment. It alleviated some of the guilt churning in her stomach, but not all of it. "Regina will never forgive me though. I wouldn't if I were her."

If Regina had gone through time and brought back Milah, Emma wasn't sure what she would do. Just the thought of Milah being back in Killian's life and getting abandoned again made Emma queasy.

Killian took a sip of his beer. "You'd be surprised what people can forgive or sacrifice when something is in a child's best interest."

Emma's eyes narrowed. "Helping Henry run away was not in his best interest."

Killian sighed. "It was, but it wasn't the best course of action to protect him. Wanting to help and knowing how to best do that are two very different things."

Emma watched Marian and Robin over her shoulder again. "I just don't know how Regina's going to handle seeing them together."

"It'll devastate her for a while, but she'll take comfort in the knowledge that a parent now gets to be with their child. Allowing them to figure things out is the right thing to do."

Emma frowned at the tone in his voice. It was laced with pain. Emma thought over what could make him talk like that, what experience he was recalling.

Milah?

He did pretty much break up her family so that would make sense.

"This act further cements you as a hero, Swan."

Emma snorted. "It just makes me feel more like my family is the villain in Regina's story. I'm constantly taking her son from her. My mom killed her mom to protect me and my dad. I stole her chance at True Love. My mom brought about the death of her first love. We keep ruining her life."

"I was the villain in Rumplestiltskin's story and he in mine," Killian pointed out.

Laughter from Robin and Marian's table drew Emma's attention away from her conversation. They all looked so happy, but all Emma felt in the pit of her stomach was guilt.

Emma stood up abruptly, leaving her slightly lightheaded. "I need to get out of here."

Killian stood up as well. "I can sit with you outside, if you'd like, or walk you home."

Emma studied Killian for a minute. She wanted him around more than she cared to admit. The idea of taking him back to his room at the B&B and fooling around was very appealing to Emma. She could lose herself in him for a few hours. That bliss would only temporarily dull the guilt, which would come back full force as soon as she left him. It might even double itself if she used him in that way.

No, Emma would go home alone and swallow her feelings like she always did.

"I'll be fine. I'm the sheriff and I have magic."

Killian frowned. "I didn't mean to imply that you wouldn't be safe. I just wanted to spend a little more time with you."

Emma winced at how abrasive she felt. She hadn't meant to upset him. "I'm just not great company right now. We should do something tomorrow though. Coffee maybe?"

Killian smiled at her effort to smooth things over. "Aye. You know where I'm currently residing."

He looked at her as though unsure exactly how to say goodbye. Emma noticed how his eyes darted from her eyes to her lips to her hands before making another circuit. It warmed her heart that he was trying so hard not to spook her. Emma decided to put him out of his misery by laying her hands on his shoulders and placing a quick kiss to his cheek.

"See you tomorrow then," Killian said as he walked backward to the door. He nearly knocked over Leroy and tripped over the hem of Aurora's gown.

Emma turned to say goodbye to her parents. It occurred to her that she really did not want to address Killian with them so she got their attention then waved. Luckily, her brother prevented her parents from getting up to follow her. He cried right on cue as though the siblings had planned it.

As Emma made her way toward the door Tink caught her eye. The fairy winked and shot Emma a delighted smile.

Emma pondered what that meant as she walked home. Tink and Killian had maybe had something when everyone arrived home from Neverland. Emma had forgotten about that. At the time there were bigger things to worry about. It seemed weird though that after all of his deeply romantic speeches, Killian would go after some other woman. Come to think of it, he barely spoke with Emma after they returned. Neal, on the other hand, had come out swinging. He asked Emma out for lunch almost immediately. Killian just stood by while Neal vied for Emma's affection.

"_You'd be surprised what people can forgive or sacrifice when something is in a child's best interest."_

"_It'll devastate her for a while, but she'll take comfort in the knowledge that a parent now gets to be with their child. Allowing them to figure things out is the right thing to do."_

"_I also believe in good form."_

Emma's heart beat frantically as she worked out what had happened.

"Good form," she scoffed, disappointed with her powers of perception, not his actions. Emma was tired of all of the bullshit that had kept them apart. It stopped now. She realized at the moment there was nowhere she'd rather be than wherever he was.

It was a split second decision to turn around and head for the B&B. She made a quick pitstop at the diner to pick up two coffees. Hers was black and his was horrifically sweet with too much cream, just like David enjoyed it. Emma avoided everyone as she made her way out of the diner. Neal was kicking up a fuss so she evaded the notice of her parents.

Once Emma arrived at the B&B, she made her way inside and up the stairs. A small strip of light shone through the bottom of Killian's door. Emma knocked once with her elbow. It was difficult while juggling the coffee, but she managed to not spill a drop.

Killian answered the door without a shirt on. Emma tried to keep her eyes up, but they drifted downward of their own volition. They were more than pleased with their findings.

"Coffee?" Emma blurted out. She held up her hands to show off the cups.

Killian looked over his shoulder to the window. "I thought you wanted to do that tomorrow."

"I know. I just didn't feel like waiting," Emma stated simply.

Killian moved back into his room. Emma's heart sank for a moment. She then realized that he was putting a shirt on and getting his key. He entered the doorway again and gestured toward the stairs.

"After you, Swan."

Emma leaned up and stole a kiss quickly before handing Killian his coffee.

"Pirate," Killian teased as he took his cup.

Emma smiled as they headed downstairs to the living room. For right now she would enjoy Killian's company and worry about her guilt and Regina when tomorrow came.

Tonight was about her first step toward letting go of her fears and letting someone in.

* * *

**Thank you all again for reading/reviewing/favoriting/following. It means so much that people are interested.  
**

**********Did anyone catch the quote I borrowed from Jennifer Morrison's character on House?**

**So this is definitely the last chapter for this particular story. I'm most likely going to do something similar once the new season starts though. I also will be adding a bonus chapter to the AU two-shot I put up this month so I'll still be around. **


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